Categories
Blue Spring Summer violet

An old view for sonny boy

Imagine having a normal day at highschool , then the entire place , students , and you got drifted into a blank space , another dimension where nothing exists and where everything consist of new rules and powers , then you keep drifting on again from one dimentional place to another , from one world to other , until you live whats around 2000 years in these alternate worlds, with people , each different time , different , with each got an unique one representing his inner self , and also the girl you like , can u imagine how many lives youve lived ? Without even getting old ? And then u find out that your power was drifting everyone into a new world..
and as for the girl you like her’s was being a compass that sees light , the light that you are all searching for to return to reality , to this dimensional normal life we live in.

That light is a view for the heart , for true belonging , for growing up , moving forward , facing the world..
The girl you like died at some alternate world , because well she opposed the entire world that is trying to reach the perfect game , the jam of many dimensions , u tried and managed to escape finally with your friend at the end , another interrupted you , he found out everthing’s and everyone’s gone all this time , theres nothing to hold up to and he lets you pass , finally he accepted, that theres no place for anyone to go to , that there’s no road to god except being here , being now , some lost themselves in the process , some died , some became a forrest , and some escaped , because no one is obliged to stay in his mental prisons.
You return to the real world , no time passed , all these 2000 years where just lived , inside you , its not the better world and you cant change it into one but you still choose it , when you went back , you find out everyones is still here living and going to school , except no one remembers who are you or what happened , all these goddamn years, and all those worlds, and you find out the one you love that died is still alive here , but cant remember anything too ,and this is all the light she once saw , you go on and live a normal life again , in silence , you struggle through your studies , through work and with people and nothing is extraordinary as where you used to be.
your friend you escaped with was the only one to remember too , and you both grow up together and accepted who you are and how far you came..

“As long as theres still a little of who you were on that island there, youll be fine..”

This is a story ive both experienced irl and experienced through anime media , this resembles my entire life , this anime moved me to the core of my existence where alot of things i imagined , lived and drifted through happened, this is just the tip of the iceberg of my (and many) interpretation and understanding for this story , and that i wrote only after my first warching..
#sonnyboy

Categories
Summer white

عندما كنت طفلاً

عندما كنت طفلاً ، رأيت الله،
رأيت ملائكة؛
رأيت أسرار العالمين العلوي والسفلي. ظننت أن جميع الرجال رأوا ما رأيته. لكنّي سرعان ما أدركت أنهم لم يروا…

I always knew that as a child i was more capable spiritually , i even developed lucid dream and astral projection like i was blinking , i didnt even knew what they were , that , for a 10 yo child was a great feet , and now im just trying to find my way back to the greater understandings i had for things and for god

I’m slowly drifting to you
The stars and the planets
Are calling me
A billion years away from you
I’m on my way
I’m on…
I’m on…

Painting – gustave dore the empyrean

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Uncategorized

A dream’s weight

Think about it
1/3 of your life is sleeping
1/3 is in sub consciousness
As for me its like wandering in some other higher dimension
Only to wake up everyday and say to myself , do I have to go there and live that life again ? Every morning ? That physical manifestation we call reality ?
I was watching an anime and in their dreams consisted a point that’s the center of their consciousness
I wondered what’s mine , so I guess it’s multidimensional buildings I keep experiencing in my dreams , where I meet many new people in ..
And as I drive back , as anyone else , back here , and I have to deal with everyone , all these obstacles , and days , I keep saying all day I need to carry that weight , only in day time
At the early morning im not even myself and at night I wonder who I even am
And as im flowing , surviving , struggling through life , I get distracted by many things , like we all got sth that might define us or ease the pain , but many other days I doesn’t .
So here my only escape , or I guess salvation , hope light… whatever is going back , thinking , feeling , or reminding myself in my inner world , the dreams I had , the visions I saw , the people ive been with , and the stories I lived inside , the puzzles I’ve gathered from what I like in the world to build my own
And as I’m trying to understand human behavior and nature the more and more im getting to realize that we’re just mirrors who are carrying our inner world which every single on of us got , due to his interpretation of the world and the way he act uppon it , recieve it , and the energy he emmites.
Each one is carrying it as if it’s eden and he wants to apply it to all humanity , and he gets mad if the way things flaw doesn’t match it so there’s no certain happiness weaving near , we’re carrying our inner world but that’s all we are , we ain’t nothing but them and we reflect them as we go by , and in the end of the day if you lost it , your deep self , even if it’s shit , that’s it your done , and if you try to force it in this third dimension you’re shit too , and if you try to think that all of it came from this dimension and no other one exist, ugh just go get yourself another self , another illusion as the one you have .
We’re just a dream
It all is
Life’s

“I dream . sometimes I think that’s the only right thing to do”

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Uncategorized

Tangled

Im zaki
I dunno how much you know me but I dont even know myself , although I love myself and im proud of me , and glad for it , this me is just a character and it’s composed of different personas , I play each according to the situation.
Im 21 , laying in my bed , its late night , night , spring , ramadan , day off , and im already tired , im both lost and found. I have pure ocd, I’m messy , simple , talkative but completely calm , Im a passing wind , I wanna do some cool tattoos and I’m about to break bad , I have faith but no hope , I’m struggling to get a better spiritual journey and

connection to god , and im living many battles inside and outside , but I don’t talk , I live in a world on my own so whatever happens happens , im cold blooded , I’ll break you insane , im manipulative in a way , im the worst enemy for the world and the best hero for you , I wanna burn cities , I wanna read alot of mangas and I really wanna be a writer . I’m good at nothing , not a single specific thing , but not going to care tbh ,I don’t give a shit about looks , I don’t care for the way you eat or behave or breath , if the world is ending im gonna drink a cup of tea and watch it , that’s the person I am , a watcher , a flow that watches things flow ,I’m getting to realize that this outer world is just my exteneded body.
Been a year since im last active on social media and it’s fine , whatever you say or share willnt be remember after 50 years , you are nothing , we’re all shit , we’re all dancing dying bags . the only person I miss is someone whos never gonna be back , and to speak of which im truly in love with many people , just tired of them and tired of trying to care for everyone , I want to go , I want to leave uni , to leave work , to leave friends and family , I want to leave and start an entire peaceful completely another life . I here , feel like , that I’m glad I existed , and went here , I will not be remembered , neither my stories , nor the memories I had , nor all the feelings for anyone , but the universe knows , I might be good or bad or those many types in them , but I love some little stuff in life , stars , fiction , fridge , noodles , classicals , grass , flow of things and im even polyamorous , I want to either live or die , I love angels and rabbits , I want to fly , I carried the weight of worlds , who carried me ? I am the color of dawn , I am the violet in night , I want a way out

I am LRS JAH JAS SM RM IM W

I am Z

Categories
Uncategorized

Breaking point

“It’s only so much you can take before you break”
I’ll be egoestic here and say , I’m the most calm person you’ll know in your entire life , not because I want to keep things inside , but because I have no energy to argue or talk or care of whatsoever , and although I got people I can go to , but ive been through shit no one knows shit about , ask pure ocd , and from time to time its like burdens sticking up to my body . I acknowledge the fact that god gave me many gifts and blessings but maybe I just got a bad luck , its like a devil shadow following me from inside and someday gonna explode .


And by breaking apart I recall people like Heisenberg or mob psycho or guts… lately I think I passed through a fine time but it’s all anxiety over anxiety and trying to keep it cool with people and family , I bought too a new motorcycle three weeks ago and on the second day while putting it at the warehouse at work underground a supplier just I dont know the fuck how went and hit it with his truck , I fucked the warehouse , I screamed that it was empty and everyone 2 floors above came rushing down , I broke things that I have no idea how or when I broke them , it’s like I wasnt me , I was my revenge on my luck , my madness inside on my life , then at night I came back home to be shocked that one of the most people I ever loved has died , she was my best teacher , she was still young , I loved her , she cared for me at a dark time I needed someone and I was searching for a way these years to find her and talk to her again… I forgot about my life and my anger and whatever the hell was going through my day and I was just calm and I cried , things just break you in different ways .

Berserk v26 (2008) (Digital) (danke-Empire)


I recall guts and all these rages he had , he had a home , friends , and he lost them in betrayal and in the worst possible way so he went for revenge and found another home in his way ,

and mostly he was broken but he found compassion and humanity along the way .

same as mob , mob was a man with power , but with kindness in a place without it , that he was pushed to exceed his 100% and explode , only to find how to turn it into explosive goodness and trying to be good even if nothing is to him


Luffy on the other hand kept on smiling and smiling , then he broke down when he lost his brother and his crew were wiped out , he broke himself so he can stop and look for a way to move forward , to get stronger for them , to smile again .


And as for others
Kaneki broke because he was tired of staying on the good side , tired of being good , he broke the ghoul inside of him and got to the other side because he can’t take it more

, as for Heisenberg, Heisenberg from beaking bad… really did break well , when you do sth just for yourself , just to feel alive , just to break from all the chains and characters you’re playing in your life , even if you did bad

. bad like eren did , although sometimes I think he did nothing wrong , we all expect that from our savior whether it’s jesus or al mahdi , to wipe out evil even if it means killing people , and for him , they took everything from him , killed him mother , friends and comrades , and called him devil , so he broke out and let out the devil in him.


Anyway the thing is we are all suffering and battling fear , all searching for ourselves and all might go down someday or break like hell , in many different ways

, and maybe for me someday I might break 100% like mob and destroy an entire city , maybe ill break free like mr white , maybe ill break from all those grudges in my chest and miseries in my life , maybe ill split apart like kaneki or find myself like the others , someday …

maybe I’ll be good and bad and at that moment ill be a great hero for myself or the worst villain for the world
Someday , somewhere , somehow

Categories
Autumn violet

Muttering

I’m at work sitting outside , thats a complete useless fact that neithor you or I need to know , I always considered that law of attraction could work with me in certain situations and maybe I’m not reaching stuff I want because.. I’m really doing nothing beneficial , all im doing is just a lie , im even being unfair with doing this nothing , what’s fair ? At day I see all the examples of corruption in society happening in front of me. And at night I just gaze and wait for the parking spot to be empty , to just be there with the empty street , rn there’s one car and two motorcycles left . What’s fair ? How can we be fair ? Righteous ? Wrong doing or right doing ? Do they mean anything or it’s all human created concepts ? Like time , that is all just a flow , sun up and sun down , measured scale flow over and over and over again… I saw birds flying today , running in circles , no one was leading in them , but they were just rotating together like , naturally , calmly , and I guess that’s the way humans should have been trying to reach , but we move alot , we cause noise alot , and even tho it’s noisy , it’s chaos , but in real it isn’t , it’s toooo calm , we do realize that , but we ignore it , because well , sometimes quiet is violent , we don’t like chaos surrounding the path of paths , that which we’re looking for , o path of dreams o path of thy happiness , it’s all a lie. Yes you wasting every second of the human definition for certain flows in existence called time , right now , just while reading these words admit it , you’re not fully happy because you still hasn’t come to the realization that there’s nothing called happiness , it’s just you and mirrors here , will always be that way , and you can choose to pump some chemicals into your veins or not whenever you want with whoever you want at whatever event happening or whatever going on , and wait what’s a dream ? Let me tell you honestly , I’m truly planning to sell my dream right now , for the same reason im doing the nothing at this “work” , just to try to survive to “live” in this fucked up place where we’re all just lost , misleading , and just dragged into it , just not going with the “flow” , and I’m feeling this “alive” just as the wind is hitting my skin rn , good cold breeze . I thought that my dream was to play certain compositions on the violin , only to realize after getting a violin that my dream is only to listen to these compositions , please if you consider me close , good , bad , toxic or whoever I am to you , just let that last sentence sink deep in within , there’s nothing called a dream but only what we’re calling “life” , we , we are nothing but a dream , it doesn’t matter if I play or listen or sing the composition even. It’s the same , same perception for beauty that will get you same feelings to make you fulfilled , to let you pleased , to let you think you’re either living , or living , we’re just in this bubble of thoughts and feelings here. We created , and we like to create , all these tragedies and mad stuff even, we like them , even if they’re making our or others lives miserable , even if we’re making the world a worser place , because even tho , tragedy and hope makes us feel more “alive” , and we’re being created , through every fucking nonsense in this modern era , we like that also , so what is sane ? Are we sane ? Is someone in particular ? True definition for it ? Please enlighten me , or it’s just that we’re like all other creatures but we like to think otherwise , we might be even below , we don’t flow , modernity has failed us , life was given to us millions of years , how could we tell if we lived it truly , if we did anything that defines it , life , where were we ? What’s about this dream ? What’s a dream ? Do I wanna know the answers ? Who am I , no no , who was I ? You know I’ve always considered myself to be referred to as someone calm , bacause im so calm , deeply inside im surpassing my limits everyday in being calm , and I’m so cold blooded , even if not all “times” because I’m just a lost definition too who has many called characters definition , I’m too talkative sometimes, and other times I use sign language , so if the world only consisted of humans as same as me , like me , it would be really very silent , calm , lazy kind of world , nothing will ever be done and that sake of one’s person , family, and humanity would never even exist , did it even exist ? For now, all I guess that I know is , I like my childhood picture where I had a calm kind of face (mirror) , I like having a family of mine rn , there’s two cars left infront of me , a young girl living near my workplace glazes and looks at me non-stop too much , and that the wind is good now . Are these things enough if known to be called “alive” ?

Categories
Letters

A letter to my gGodbrother


Dear AD ,

I like the fact that you still consider me someone close to you despite not seeing or talking to each other much in the past couple of years , and for trying to tell me your stories and your whereabouts from time to time , I guess in my deep core I’ll always consider you a brother . I was afraid that your new surroundings will change who you are and the things you do but gladly they didn’t , and I don’t think it will . The fact that you like to tell me stories and discuss with me in everything from back then in highschool and up until now still brings joy to my life and reminds me of who we both are , and in the span of three years I enjoyed walking running talking depating and fighting with you every single day , and we literally had discussions about goddamn everything , movies , anime (watch one piece), books , feelings , stories , I miss that , and tbh there’s alot of things you used to tell me that I experienced and came to realize later on , especially the movie recommendations and stuff about directing . But honestly , these walks had the best times , we used to save money to go and buy crackers , and that one time we ate pizza in the graveyard , hahahahaha damn . Whatever happens I don’t think someone might know you better than me and you are truly a genius , although you doubted me many times and I won , but you’re weird , from the first two days I saw you , ps you have the best birthday letters . At last , throwback to that one time we had like marathon qualifications with around half the school and I ran for 35 min straight just to see you laying on the ground so I fell right next to you and was yelling to get me water , old days , good friend , you’re the best

Categories
Uncategorized

مدينة اشباح 2

في حال عدم قرائة اول مقال :

https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/172528907/posts/87#comment-43

وباول مقال عنيت بيروت ، او حتى لبنان بالاجمع ، صحيح ان كتابته تمت قبل موعد الانفجار لكنه كان حاصلا حتى منذ ذاك الوقت ، وما زال قائما حتى الان ، وبعد مرور عدة اشهر فان السبب الوحيد لعدم تدويني شئ عنه هو انه ليس هنالك كما لا يزال اي كلمات ، يمكن التعبير بها ، اول يوم واسبوع من الحادثة كانوا بمثابة انتهاء كل ما تبقى من امل ، انتهاء لروح هذا الوطن ، المنسي الان ، فلا المجرم تحاسب ولا الشعب حي ولا الفساد اختفى ولا الارواح جبرت وكل ما يمكنني تركه هو بضع هذه الكلمات التي مرت عليكم ممكن

مسافة كلا أسئلة وتفتيش
مسافة فيها منموت ونعيش
مسافة من الأحزان بيني وبينك يابلد
مسافة أمان

في بيني وبينك طرقات
محفورة بالاحلام محكومة بالتأجيل

في بيني وبينك آهات متروكة للأيام
تداوي القلب العليل

أتعرفين ما هو الوطن يا صفية ؟ الوطن هو ألا يحدث ذلك كله.

Categories
Letters

A letter to god

Hello dear best friend , my dearest home , all the words I might type or feel you already know , but it’s better to say them all with myself too , you know that I really couldn’t find the time to pray for you today at all , but I mentioned you within myself repeatedly , I’m no longer feeling alone cause I’m sensing you feeling and being with me in whatever the situation and memory is , and I’m glad I’m gonna live forever with this , and I’m glad I’m getting closer to you , and to your compassion . Everyone might be tired , but I’m too alot , beyond my level , I’m still waiting for one single good thing that might happen to me , a single thing I deserve back , and still having patience even though I tried a lot , and gave so much time and feelings and beginnings , and care , I’m still looking for soul touching stuff , even if I’m still in the stage after loosing all hope, just one little thing only , I’m glad im seeing you, I’m glad I’m seeing your love , I’m glad things went this way , even if it’s going through hell , but yeah crazy ig , at the end , all I do is go back tired , down , lost , to you , and you understand me , you accept for whatever and whoever I am and what I do , may all the roads lead back to you , and all that I have are the tears dropping when I call you , I love you

Please help me it’s getting darker and …

Categories
violet

Felt existing 💫

It’s gonna take only some hundred years and after that non of this will matter , non of this will be remembered , all the stories and moments you experienced alone or with some company , and it’s just a dot in the vast ocean of the universe’s time , recently Im thinking alot about how the landscape im in changed through the course of history , maybe it was a desert , maybe a jungle , maybe many dinasours fought here , maybe many great men passed here , many people cried , laughed , ran here , and now all gone , all of these stories we’re living will be gone too and all these past lives and legends and generations just passed , and this carries alot of beauty within , it’s a vast wide world , where each atom and living creature in it carries another vast wide world , and I really don’t know how I can take it for understanding all of this , how can I turn all of this interpretation of reality , the flow of things , the flow of people , the flow of societies , the flow of ideas , the flow of stories , the flow of friends , the flow of spirits , the flow of art , the flow of this entire galaxy , into sth that will be remembered for eternity in the great cosmic spirit , we carry unimaginable realms inside , don’t limit yourself , don’t limit your world , you exist now for forever, you were never alone, your stories were and will never be dead , see you forever , it’s just a magnificent dream
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