zaki monzer

A letter to my younger self

Post author By Zaki Monzer
Post date January 31, 2023
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If i can really just go back in time
I’d forget about legends
I’d forget about changing history
Or going to great eras that i wished to be at
I’d run to my younger kid self
Standing at the side corner of the highway looking at the tiny blocks in the ground
I’d run and hug him and cry like fuck
I’d tell him he’s my hero and how much I’m grateful for having him
And that at the end of the day he’s the only one with me
He’ll know shit
He’d probably start asking some ass question
And He’ll know no idea of anything
And what i went through
Although
He would absolutely believe me
Because he believe in weird-out of the world-fast cuts-bizzare shit
He always thought that this life is just a long-lasting drama play made for him like the trueman show
And at the end everyone’s gonna go up and clap for him
I wanna tell him that there’s no one
There’s really no one
Not even him
All that ever existed is the blocks he looked at at the side of the road
The birds that flew in the playground while everyone’s looking at him
The carpet in the bedroom
And outside of these are just a man jumping in madmen’s own suffering
For trying to give things meaning
He’s my hero because he didn’t do anything
He didn’t try anything
He just enjoyed the world he didn’t know about
He just wanted friends to play with
He just wanted for atleast someone to stand up and clap
And tell him it’s a play
And how much he’ll just suffer just to reach that play again
You were right
You were the infinite and beyond
You were that sky i always wanted to fly at
And it was only you
Fuck everything that’s left in the world after you

Proud
Fuck anything

black Spring

The trickster unarchetype

Post author By Zaki Monzer
Post date January 30, 2023
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If you read this
It means you are reading this
And you know you that i’m such a sarcastic rotten person
But you don’t know me
And i don’t know you
But i know you
And i don’t know myself
Okay to give it a try
One two three start
Im sad
And im fine
And im not devastated about the future
Nor worried
But i dont know what to expect then
But i know what to expect now
Although im devastated in the mean time
And i dont know why are you reading this
But you might be one of my close people
And thats a high probability
So here’s a kiss ==》》 a kiss
Its hard
Although maybe easier than many times in human history
And than many places out there
But its hard
Im writing this because i need a space
A space for me
That tells me theres some place i still belong to in this world
And some people
And that whatever might happen i can go to and write and weep and write
And i want to live
And i want to know myself
And god
And if there’s a future with who i love
And i lived alot
But i want it all to stick together
I accept myself
But im trying to be a better man
And i dont want to change the world
Nor myself
I want peace
I used to write when i’m depressed and when life was good
Now i’m good but life’s depressing so i’m writing all the time
I want to stop writing
And to start writing
They say live as if there’s no tomorrow
I want to sleep as if there’s no tomorrow…
In peace

Spring Yellow

We are alive

I dreamed about a thousand way to be dead
I went through a thousand way to be dead…
But non of them happened
I dreamed about a thousand way to be alive
I went through a thousand way to be alive…
But non of them happened
I happened
And went through

I might not be good at anything at all,
But i am good,
And I’m seeing everything.
I might not be going places,
But I’m going worlds.
I might not be seen,
But i see everyone.
I’m proud of myself here,
I hope you realize when you see this person in the pic that it’s you more than it’s me.
We are alive.

Autumn Yellow

Taking one

“Sometimes there’s so much beauty in the world I feel like I can’t take it, like my heart’s going to cave in”
You know at most
This qoute comes to my mind whenever i love
Whenever im loved
Whenever i pass by someone i love
And the truth is there’s alot
And i lived with alot
But in the end i just drive by at night and hear “memoir”
And i think how i can’t take it
All these lives unlived
And people loved
And thoughts i only carry
Of many who’re gonna be just a passing wind after decades
Loved but not remembered
So i keep telling myself that all it matter is now and that is the purpose
But sometimes u feel like my purpose is to live through others , inside others , to carry them and not be carried
To fill myself as a puzzle that holds everyone
Do you know whom ?
The entire universe
I couldnt take it
But no one said i should take it
So i’m not taking it
And i’m taking one

Autumn white

The only one

“There’s no devil on one shoulder and angel on the other
They’re just two normal people”

I used to have imaginary friends
I used to dream about imaginary friends
I used to live with imaginary friends
And i went on to find myself then
And i couldn’t
So i searched in books and movies and series
And i couldn’t
So i searched in people
But i couldn’t
So i searched in the world
So i could
But i couldn’t find the world
So i searched in god
But i couldn’t find myself
But i could find it
That it wasn’t myself
And that i could go on and state a hundred
A thousand maybe
Characteristics in me
Thoughts in me
Talents in me
But i wasn’t me
I wasn’t those thousand things
I wasn’t all the crap of the world
I wasn’t everything , nor nothing
And that those imaginary friends
Were all a side of me
Each one at a time
And i didn’t create them
They were what someone should call i
And in those stories i lived with them
In the end
They all died
In the end
Except one
The only one whose searching for the end here

Blue

Writings from underground

Post author By Zaki Monzer
Post date January 26, 2023
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The world appointed me as the devil now ,
While i’m just a hopeless boy wanting to see the entire world ,
And i can’t get past the couche’s arm
Im glad zake didnt live to see the misery that’s me right now ,
And sometimes i think how shitty i am for being glad that lizy died ,
Glad because this fact made my life more tragic..
While zypher was appointed as a king that went on and quit already.
My summoned friends are conquering the universe rn and i think ima is killing few so rn
And i dont think she’ll meet jane anytime soon but i hope in this heck of a world one reunion like that would happen.
I’m just sitting in the heart of the silence
And i can hear the screams of miramai from a planet’s distance
And wheres joy’s ?
Im actually worried about rei , sofie , and anna , they would be actually planning on killing me rn
So Jack , are you pleased for watching from above how broken we are rn ?
I dont even know if they can reach me , i mean , i even can’t get out.
I wonder how the world seems like nowadays
And what’s the weather outside ,
I’m not in the buttom of the forrest but the forrest swallowed me
And doris is probably hacking through the multiverse in order to check it here ;
Heck a war in the islands is being brought up just how can being an introvert no one see turn by breaking bad into this mega self recognized event himself ?
Lucy is hanging by the sea of corps
Rose is fixing a dimensional tree
Star is surfing through space layers … sometimes i envy her.
Winnie is trying to find the last light left in the world , that which , he cant even see himself
There’s a room where the light won’t find you
And that room is even outside my empire
Of dirt
You can have it all giblo ,
And all my family even tough they’re aiming for my head rn ,
Especially you , alma…
The only one that i can’t hear her silence..

red Summer

Searching for heaven

” the path to heaven runs through miles of clouded hell “
I mightve told many close people about this
Maybe posted , or tweeted from before
But if you asked about the times i dreamed about it id say over hundred
The feeling that runs through the deep core of the mind that even when you cant get up , youll get up because that one certain memory is still a possibility
And even if it doesnt exist now , even of i didnt reach it yet , it might be the top reason im alive , im struggling , fighting , and finding a reason to wake up , that in a far future theres still a part of me screaming of happiness
And one day itll happen
And ill reach there
The goosebumps that jumps over my hair tells
The angel signs assure it
Well run
And scream
Well jump while singing it
The world will be drown in the after math of the war
And were just sit in our tree
With the light lights
And the light chants
And when we thought that theres no place to go too
And that we had lost our homes
And people
And well never find it again
It was there
And we , which never changed , were there
And we screamed like its the peak of our lives
Like we were the kings of the world and we were just one , one family
If you read this you’re invited from now , but be good and fight well
Someday , somewhere , somehow
Its time to begin , isnt it ?

black Winter

I met her after a year and i doesn’t relate to this anymore

Post author By Zaki Monzer
Post date January 24, 2023
No Comments on I met her after a year and i doesn’t relate to this anymore

The thing is
I could have went on in living desperately
I could have went and joined all those scattered people weaping all around
I could have driven my way while shivering as i used too
I could have joined these mad cry parties
And this sad true way of nagging about life
And how miserable it is
And how nothing is working out
And how its all like stuck and going nowhere fast
And that its all bullshit and nothing matters
But i didnt
Because i met you

Winter Yellow

Reaching back that hope

Dear nagara ,
I came back alive with mizuho and others
I found the light nozomi once saw and i saw her too ,i found her and i really didnt think itll be anytime soon
I felt like the revelation of her still existing is far away in a far awaited future
After many space battles
And life changing moments
And car screaming rides
And splitting nations
And conquering worlds
Yet i was only washing dishes
And collecting blankets to hide at
And drinking tea for living
And still wanting to get out
I didnt scream yet
Im still questioning if it exists
Im not that hero yet and im not seeing a way for the journey to start
I didnt reach a higher consciousness not did i transcend
I didnt find a way
And you know what
She came busing in crashing in into my life
Im not where i want to be but i met her in a place while im learning so at
And im learning to follow
Whatever worlds cave inside
And waves breath inside
No one ever said where or how or when should i meet her
Im still feeling devastated to go there
But for now its fine for us to be here
And it feels good , in fact it feels flying upward water falls
We’ll go there , someday
For the first time ever i have a hope in someday

Tags sonny boy sonnyboy

green Spring

Good old feeling

I feel like flower in forest
My eyes come together and see my nose , it look big nose
I breath with nose and notice something blocking airflow
Must be a booger
I check with my fingers and pull out joyful spirits
This aint even butterflies nor a flower
Screaming poems , screaming poems rushs and rolls deep within