There’s only one thing , That didn’t only make my days , But that made me , That made my world , That didn’t contribute to my life , But made me a whole new life , And i know I’m gonna write and film loads about it in the future , But for now , I’ll stick to it , even if I’m late , There’s only one thing that made me flow above the wind , beyond the people , Move as the stars dance by , Feel the blood from my toes , Feel the pain of avoiding it , The thing that i didn’t find , but found me , The one that i needed and i wanted , and i craved from a long long time ago , The one thing that made me alive this year , Running . Running with the wind , with pain , blood , tears , with aches , with spits , Running to nowhere , with no purpose , with no meaning , without anything , while holding everything , Without any reason to run but just to run , To forget about yourself and thyself , To forget about this place , To tear your body , To be somewhere in this where , To be whole in this mess , Only one thing made the difference , And was it , madly , It found me , The true me , the one i wouldn’t know without it , The one i wouldn’t and will never reach without it , Where no matter how long it is , hard , you just crave more miles and more sweating , That no matter how much you and the others would cuss it , you put on your shoes the next days and go soar by it , I’m z , I’m a human , i don’t know where i stand , I don’t know where i belong , i know it’s not here , and i don’t know if it is my thing , but i like drinking tea , i like pomegranate , i like standing by the shore , i like writing sometimes and sometimes lately I’ve been getting to this new thing , that made another me i don’t know , but I’m glad he existed , I run.
I’m trying to answer just one question , not what’s one’s worth , but how would you see one’s worth ? In our rotten time mean world one’s worth is viewed as fame , while it’s basically clear that this is all bullshit and nonsense all what all these people are doing , And i know each one has a world on their own , And i know few show it , But on this stage where its all people doing stuff , winning stuff , the stupid “succeeding” , going placing , viewing stuff , all kinds of stuff and then sharing it , its easy to see a hundred thousand of ways someone might be living a worthwhile arc in his life , but is it ? And I’m not trying to guess who is happy and who isn’t and whatever , I’m digging in the “worth” , the inside stories , the untold lands , the people who might not need billions to know them , yet they live sth that is more worthy than it all , with only them , Moreover I’ve always thought that , knowing certain kind of people , living with only them sth , for a brief time and a cozy space , while their memories will only pass the winds of age , is just enough , because , after a thousand year , who’s gonna care ? Remember ? See all your glories ? Who’s gonna care who came first in the race or second ? Who’s gonna care who won the world cup this year and who played in the streets ? Who’s gonna care who painted sth views by millions and who painted something in his own room for himself ? Where were you when god created the cosmos ? Where will you be when it ends ? No one , All those moments will be lost in time , i might tell you ok , go make it worthy , enjoy it , because its all that matters , but , a huge but , There’s two other stuff , One that your own world is worthy , You see you might go on a walk and imagine greatly dreams and people and sky diving fantasies , You lived you mattered , You might live and write and paint and view a world of your own with your people, it will only matter and you will matter to them , and they mught be even right close ones too! What if u lived a story for a thousand year ? Imagine the seas and mountains , the faces you loved, the rainy winds you touched , the mornings you ran….
, it might be worthy than all the other stuff , the no meaning , the no direction , most humans are getting at , the second thing is : god , god sees , god knows the worth of whatever you go through if it has sth to do with you , if it touches your heart , if it makes u alive , he told us he created us to worship him , not in the way of prayer but in the way of graciousness and living an own thing , for him , life has no meaning , but for him , if you ran(metaphor for anythinh you’d do) , without anything , just happily , for him , that’s تسبيح , if you learn , dive , feel , for a cause to him , with knowing u won’t last , nothing and no one will , but him , the carrier and barrier , then it’s worthy right ? He’s not an egoistic god that wants everything for him , he’s beyond ego that wants your soul to know thyself , to be the song in the fire , the man between the sea , the man beneath the darkest sea , the man in the cave , the man in the well , the man at the shore building a ship , the man under the tree , having nowhere to flee , the one who sees the sun over the edge of the horizon , when the prophet had a year without any message god reminded him first of two things of why he wasn’t alone , why blessings flew , the forenoon , and the peacefull night , that he didn’t forsaken him not he was displeased , and that he’llget you there , just do good , speak good , flow with gracious, to be present , to be here , to be for god , is to be worthy , even for two thousand years , alone , without people , without medals , without the so called victories and empty happiness(es) , you matter kid , you’ll be fine
It saddens me that i wanna read a thousand books , Watch a thousand shows , Know and be with a thousand people , Live a thousand thing , tens of sports , of arts , of stuff to do , Thousand of places to visit and to live a thousand story at , To live all the possible ways to feel the beauty and tragedy of our existence , A thousand ways to be , And yet I’m here , Seeing them all while being nothing , And it occurs to me that this life ain’t mine but somebody else has drew this path for me , And no matter what i do I’ll always drift with it , I can never drift apart to all these worlds i just can watch them pass by , And i wanna swim , I’ve watched the sea my entire life , Many stories by the sea , above it , Many wonders below it , And yet I’m there at the shore , standing by , No matter how many times and years that pass by , I’m always standing , alone , watching , And it will always pass , I know I’ll be here for some time and that even if i won’t make any difference in the shades of blue of the sea , The static of blue of it , I will be glad that my image for sometime will be reflected on it’s surface , that i saw it , That i loved it , I loved many things , Many worlds and many people , And as they will always pass , And I’ll always pass , The sea will stay , forever , The sea stays , The sea remembers , I’ll hold it in my heart that will no longer exist in some time , But my love for it , for everything , for everyone , will always stay , Maybe i catch a glimpse sometimes of where i belong , To the shore , Of the passing sea , into eternity..
It’s been long since I’m dreaming about people I’ve never seen before with traits I’m longing to find in this world , Each one of them with a story and a world , each one in a higher state , each one of them I’ve hugged and i felt like I’ve known them for a thousand years , And i wake up longing for any one of them , I still , to this day , despite everything , despite the darkness in my soul and the darkness of my existence , i still find hope I’ll meet them , all of them , in this lifetime , someday somehow , in a grand marveling story beyond ourselves , out of here I still never gave up on my kingdom of dirt , hehe Of skinny weird sarcastic people , And i hope that in that higher plane in our sleep , We made a vow to meet again , To find each other in order to be found , To not be lost alone , To be lost together in this uncertain dash of the universe , And whenever i go to dream there again , I’ll tell them to see me , So they can know where to meet me , In their teary nights and windy runs , In a place in a box in a bubbly world , In a bubbly world trapped in one persona’s mind , And god if you can open a doorway for us , then please do , Because a path walked alone is fine , But a path walked with your people is heaven on earth , leading to heaven to you , I’ll bet god , I’ll bet in it in a billion of possibilities , with love and imagination , z.
I know I’m here right now and I’ll always be in the now right here for.. ever , And sometimes i feel like I’m up in the sky , That it will pass , That someday the sun gonna smile back at me, That someday I’ll find my people, That someday I’ll live the dreams i dream about and that someday I’ll meet my beloved ones again, Those who gone and maybe forever, That someday I’m gonna be rewarded for all the things that i lost even though I’m such a mess, I messed alot and i shot everything i loved, And how can i know how to not mess , god ? I still feel that someday it will all make sense as why they happened, That I’m gonna say it was worth it and it’s fine , That I’m gonna scream and celebrate at the finish line That I’m gonna say i was right i swear I’m right i swear i knew it all along , That maybe , maybe , really the path to heaven runs through miles of clouded hell… But should i always think i should go through hell to get the credit i desperately need to get to myself ? Like I’m pushing and running and the sun is rising from my heart , again again and again , every single morning Despite it all , Despite the need to heal in a confusing life , in a traumatic one , That despite it all i get lost in its visions sometimes and i feel it’s beauty , I know I’m far behind and i know I’m not too much and i know I’m too little , But how can i try to heal in such a ball and mental and psychological levels of understanding our fundamental fiber of not even self or existence , just manners just literally manners and maybe a little bit care And i , Im just tired trying to justify everything all the fucking time , Even my thoughts to myself , I’m tired of justifying that it’s all for a greater meaning sometime else while I’m literally in pain , I’m tired of justifying that I’m happy for everyone else just because i don’t want to feel that I’m a bad person or friend because nothing is actually happening to me , I’m tired of justifying that everytime i feel I don’t belong to literally anywhere that at least i got my inner world , I’m tired of justifying not starting my path.
God this is not my rebel letter , this is my cry for conversion , for belonging .
The wind is strong outside And maybe outside is just a world brought back by the wind Because it’s only one touch and i feel things That can’t be put into a human’s heart I try to remember it but i fail I fail to notice when was the last time I’ve sensed such wind You see , again , i forget Like the wind tattoo i have on my arm that i forgot i had too Like everything i passed through Like the people Like me Like the people who were me And that I’m just a screen Seeing checking , loving then forgetting I even forgot about the sea And all what went down on the sea Maybe life is just a sea-full sea And if i passed through it Then forgot about it , and about me What was there ? Who was there ? Who passed through this wind And what is the wind carrying about that person rn ? Does it know that he forgot about her ? And what did she made him feel ? Like love not alike all love Like heaven washing throw all earth’s scum Like the sky coming alive through your arms If we’re bottomless my dear young self just like the wind Then why don’t you flow too like it Why do you give up to your mind and heart desires Why do you become human once again , with a name To suffer and to defend it , all in the name of it’s fake happiness , Remember the wind my friend , Remember my friend the wind .
One of the things they don’t discuss in religion is the “why’s”, And its the thing that get most people out of it, Youth around to not dig in it, And intellects to not dive into the crowd, They tell you 1 2 3 and god got u to do 1 2 3 and bla bla And 1 2 3 would get you this and 1 2 3 would get you that and follow 1 2 3 to this , like is this just surface ruling ??? And it’s even not fair for how rich and deep the human mind and consciousness can go in search of god and spirituality.. You see god got you to do some 1 2 3 things through his messages , but to think you can tell any , any one how to do is dump , for each has his own path And each has his own interpretation and circumstances, You can’t just go and apply it on a very basic level without considering the base of human life itself , experiences , flows , visions , arts , and the fact that each unique individual has an own secret to pursue god if he want to and that all of these rules should be for him to flow , not for him to just apply and follow without even giving him an explanation of why , Which you can never do , because to be honest No one , Not you , not me , no one , Will ever know anything , It will never be certain and you’ll never be a saint and you’ll never know the truth , And on this dimensional level , maybe on a higher state you might know , but you’ll never be able to speak or tell it , the why , the why that you have a responsibility to light the matter about if you ever wanted to enrich your or your spiritual path people , If you ever felt educated and wise , Anw always seek the why’s people , before the why’s seek you.
The urge to just go somewhere far far far away.. Into the deep caves of distant woods , And i won’t go alone , I’ll take with me all my sorrows and my tears and my love, I’ll carry with me all my beloved ones , those who will never come with me , I’ll take with me my worlds , Those who will ever dwell within me , But not me , I’ll leave it to the skin and bones , To the fish into the sea , I’ll leave it to the sea that comes and goes , I’ll leave it to the void i won’t enter , I’ll leave it at the shore where i lastly knew myself i was at , And I’ll go , To rain to trails to planets with whole waters , To cyberlands to shires to egg shaped games and cities , To midnight deserts and midnight camping inside an island outside a forest, To spaceships and horizons beyond order , Beyond destiny , Beyond you , Beyond me , I wanna go far away , Run to it , Away beyond me , And whatever i can imagine next , Beyond it too , To where the abyss could only comprehend and see
I want to grow Not evolve , transcend , become , big , small , strong , flower , bloom , but grow And I’m so late now But he’s still waiting And i know i let you down tonight my dear And i know i let you down every single night But I’m still learning what it means , to be human to be a man To not return crying at the end of the day as best as i can To reach the world the kid is still holding on at To welcome him , not me , but us , the us not discovered yet Maybe will never be Maybe sad.. But we sat by the river And oh joyful apes we were at For whoever inside us messes with us Joyful madmen What weird constellation we met i know I’m not here or there Atleast i dont ever wanna be I know i love whoever isn’t here or there Atleast they don’t ever wanna be Wanna be anything but a somebody Of flesh and blood and wasted youth yet to get Maybe they wanna be born on the stars of dreams too And if I’m going there I’m doubting the place and then and i I’m doubting the existence in which i did try Everybody wanna be something Even if nothing to be at all But i wanna grow Larger than life Larger than life could could Up the wind and over the clouds Over the needs of peoples life mouse Over the horizon Over the edge The edgerunners maybe Maybe I’m running to see the edge and the core For once and for most All that matters All thats left And that i own I am and i saw I seek and i roam Is growing to the kid To the kid we belong
Tonight I’ll do no right and no wrong , But I’ll go and drive on a rainy dark night , Since I’ve did all wrong and all right my entire life , And i still don’t know to this day where i stand in it , It’s a self grand mistake , As all thoughts should be thought i gave it another thought , Then i turned the machine lights on , If angels and demons exist , Deep in our inner conscious level , Since higher dimensional beings are what slips and what guides , At the level of own and not own self behavior , Theres more to them , a third party , A third wheel in this cosmic spin , Since you’re capable of redemption every time you sin and curse , And since you’re capable of slipping everytime you pray , There’s another thing that got it from the start , Unless angels and demons decided to shake hands from under the tables of eternal gates , A blessed walk might be the way for you to hell , How can a single entity revolute over it’s entire meaning to be , Goal to live for , And since it’s all for us humans , And since god made it like this , one two for one , He can interfere , But throw what , If not angels , not demons , What’s more to that , I focused on the road i was driving again , The lights were still on the glass infront of me , I couldn’t think of anything anymore , But i could see sth , A reflection on the glass , A human.
zaki monzer 