I felt my heart inside a dream
Two beats at a time
One to go
And one to slide
A long break between every skip
As if blood entered a void
And was guessing if to stay
Maybe it didn’t find a heart
Maybe i kept it somewhere
Although i was going to leave my home
And took the letters with me
The sea shelves , the pomegranate
The broken ones too
But I’m not broken
I splashed the scent
She loved
On the void between my chest
Because maybe it was left with her
And she could smell it in the dawn
As i leave before others wake up
As i leave with my bag , full of my drawer
As i hope that i could once again
Feel that I’m not doing enough
Feel that I’m not guilty enough
I wish i was feeling late enough
It was only late for me
I always felt that I’ve seen it all
Everything
Everything was late for
And I’ve always felt that I’m in the end of the tunnel
I’ve seen it all
I’ve felt it all
I craved more
Yet that was it
And before i open the door
A cold breeze came from below
Telling me there’s always more
Always more , more , more
Before i reach home
I wonder how long
Till i belong
To god to long
And something to fill the spaces
Something out of my mind
Because maybe it will be far
The house where i figure out my mind at
Maybe the people running uphill to me
Will only be stuck in my dreams
Where I let myself down
To bring them to life
They only wanted to be alive
I thought i don’t know how
But I’m just too let down to feel someone by my side
That could understand
That could see them
Because my heart was lost inside a dream
Two beats at a time
And I’ve seen it all
Enough of this world yet but
Also the other one , it hurts
It hurts
It hurts
God please forgive me for not growing wings
But trees over my back
So i could let everyone eat sceneries
But not stories
From my eyes
I’ve seen
When when when
When will i ever see , seen

Time of weep with a voice on its back,
A stamp of silent terror steep,
Never to be known who left it here,
Although it was still warm,
Was it a lover or a fire bomb storm?
All the people passed like a flash,
This they told me it was my life,
Took a cake to the bottom of my tongue then,
While i hear your voice driven from years it seems,
Is fate this brutal to say it back again?
Like telling all the other signs,
In times of insects, standing on hairs?
Of beautiful eyes getting shattered?
Of sacrifices, never made?
Of flying while never in the skies,
Of skies, not to be looked at,
But to look upon us?
Of us , not knowing,
But opening the palms,
To rivers to fall,
Seeing faces down the falls,
Faces, or is it ours?
Since none are seen anymore,
I could’ve been glad before,
If it was me,
A faceless monster,
But not now it seems,
It needs to be more,
I need to be too,
But less than her,
Less than her, they and us,
And bigger than life,
But not the skies,
Not bigger than a rain drop,
Not bigger than tears.

I’m found,
And it lightens my heart that i don’t know where, how,
But i wake up every morning with empty clear ears,
It’s not the sky of the ears,
But lately the quiet isn’t empty,
Because the sky is no longer dropping tears,
And smiling isn’t a way to ease the burden,
Nor a ship rushes to live,
Nor a pursue to a pursue,
Talking is a fish when you want to,
Days are found by me,
Not empty, not found in no shape,
Even with no one in sight,
Loneliness float away,
No sign for the need of it to stay,
Because my heart is full,
And my body isn’t,
The scent of rainy ground is like suicide of beauty,
The taste of raisins cake,
Burden eases everything, the past, except the smile,
I run on two legs to chop wood by my hands,
Time waits for no one,
We waited places too, time,
We waited places to another time,
I hate waiting too,
I’ll shadow fight all the waiting lists and packs,
Including the ones shipping myself,
Because I’ll be standing in the way of the present tense,
Only then I’ll be an illusion for time,
Will always be happening,
If i happened,
But i was found back then,
And the places we left will always be back then,
It will wait holding hands with time,
In pain,
It will wait for us,
On another rainy days,
We can only bet,
They don’t hate waiting too.

Time stopped at 18 ,
And i stepped at time ,
Dreamed of exams i have finished ,
Dreamed of the question of why didn’t i become me yet ,
When i was at a time , stopped then left ,
A heart was aiming for an emptiness machine , back then ,
When the sun left the sky , left it empty , empty sky ,
And only continued to shine everyday from the heart ,
Empty heart ,
So they aimed to both to re-bond together ,
And i , with a time stop , as the bridge .

A bridge to grab them both ,
With a collapsing floor , flouting , not bouncing ,
No foot to set ,
No sign of how much to run ,
Time exit this world ,
Space can no longer hold me too ,
Sun kept in my heart ,
So that every single piece that drive tears of grace ,
Became a guess for me ,
That maybe angels were sent my way ,
To ease the tiny time left in this space ,
But i can only wonder of that as a sand ,
Knowing i am not at the sea ,
And wander here , alone ,
What if someone else is feeling this beautiful cold wind too ?
But heaven didn’t forsake a moment yet ,
Nor a bond ,
Nor any bond .

🤍

I wasn’t a kid when i was a kid ,
I was a kid when I was not ,
I smell like corn when I’m tired or sweaty ,
Maybe because when i was a kid ,
I stood under it’s leaves ,
Running from the sun ,
And then it , the corn scent , hit me forever .

I wonder in good dreams lately ,
No secret to be found ,
No dreams to be remembered either ,
So they continue for continues days ,
Hopeful that my days will be washed like them ,
As i continue to not be washed for days ,
Because there’s no sweat found on my skin ,
Even after running ,
So i smell like corn .

Would a world filled with me just be corn-flowers ?
I was born at midnight ,
But ever since my first morning and the sun is still hitting me ,
I would be calm as a corn-flower ,
As i always am here ,
And i know there’s nothing like corn-flowers here ,
But a world filled with me , and only me ,
Would not be silent or calm ,
It would be loud , screaming , of joy definitely ,
Joy ,
Of daydreams at days ,
Of running , sweating , and not smelling like corn ,
Without caring of the sun hitting me , or us ,
Us ,
All of us that are of me .

I’m not talking ,
But ain’t silent ,
Mouths say it’s cold , sarcastic , some calm ,
I don’t see me ,
I’m not silent .

I’m not speaking ,
I get sick before getting words out ,
A crime if i do ,
Same as speaking out to ,
Even while praying ,
Bunch it all up in a bag ,
I’m still not silent ,
Maybe not enough .

A wind breeze rushed in ,
When i was rushing inside ,
To pray the words i try to hang ,
Each time i try ,
To make sense of the “i pray because i exist” ,
My right side felt the wind ,
I recalled the sky from the other day , split apart ,
My right side from today touched the left side of the sky from yesterday ,
Touched but not felt ,
The sky wanted to be felt ,
So i prayed once again ,
As a split person in a split sky ,
Maybe for the first time in two split of times ,
For me to fly , and for the sky , to be felt .

I feel very late ,
I feel lately ,
That I’m doing things ,
Things i didn’t do ,
So i wonder and maybe i wondered alot ,
So i blame myself ,
But i read blame then i remembered ,
I’d forget about this time too ,
Maybe it wasn’t wasted ,
Maybe i was still searching ,
Still carying this rope to the mean time ,
Only now i feel it more often ,
As the dire need for home comes closer ,
And it reaches my throat ,
That i breath with while running ,
To make room for youth ,
To search in what ally i went there ,
And i forgave the walls i leaned on ,
I forgave the desks i cried under ,
I forgave the roads i never crossed ,
I forgave myself i never saw , or will ,
If we ever crossed time roads ,
And since i use a lot of breathing now ,
My throat is full ,
There’s no room left for home .

I ran through hell ,
In hell i was alive ,
A boy ran under the sun , today ,
But i felt it there ,
Why you can’t hear the answers ,
I knew it there ,
Where you could only see them ,
I felt like running again,
Although i know that just one step further , and I’ll break .

If i could go back i could again ,
Continue the miles through pain ,
I told myself ,
But it’s all like life ,
Once it end , there’s nothing more ,
It was life , how it should be ,
How it should end ,
Life itself , and nothing more .

Just as pain going down ,
Like the river’s waters ,
I went down ,
Like a bold character with bold hair ,
Although I’m a bold character with bold hair ,
But i wasn’t like him ,
Until today ,
I will ,
I was will .

I sat with a cat by my side ,
Not because i love her ,
But because they loved her ,
I sat thinking of the difference ,
That i felt between waking up and being asleep ,
Because i don’t feel at all .

The cat in the wind ,
I’m in the wind ,
With the cat , of two different colors ,
I watched two films ,
One about being silent ,
The other about listening ,
They became my coping space ,
Because they left with my songs ,
And now I’m trying to search for a third movie ,
Or thirty kilometers to run .

They are telling me to make a choice ,
The same as like two years ago , or so ,
When i left her ,
I couldn’t make a choice ,
Like now ,
Now I’m writing this because i can’t commit a killing ,
To myself ,
Because god created me this way ,
They tell me why i am like this ,
As if i wished so ,
As if i could know ,
As if i could know ,
As if i could .

My writings were lost ,
My stories were ,
I wondered why ,
The dog ate the poems there too ,
He sat by the river ,
So i sit here by myself ,
My writings were lost ,
Because i am lost ,
And because they are a part of me ,
That doesn’t exist here ,
They were gone , from here ,
And I’m not depressed , down , or it the it ,
I’m simply not ,
I’m simple ,
I wish i was not .

Please god , don’t you see ,
Just a boy not caught up in dreams ,
Please, see me ,
Just a man not caught up in fantasies ,
Reaching out for you ,
For someone I can’t see ,
And i can’t see anything else as well ,
But you do god ,
You always do .

Take my hand ,
Let’s see where we wake up tomorrow ,
From where i do come ,
What could i plan ,
I’ll be damned if i do ,
I can just run from my tears ,
God, tell us the reason ,
My youth was wasted when i was young ,
My life was wasted when i was young ,
It’s hunting season ,
And the world is running fast ,
So i decided to slow my legs down .

I’m not searching for meaning ,
Who are we when you did ,
Dropped the waters and made it exist ,
Woe is me when i say I’m glad i exist ,
Best memories brings you sorrow ,
And it’s only your own ,
Turn the page ,
Like everyday’s sun ,
Maybe we’ll find a brand new ending ,
Not brand new us .

Where we were running in our tears ,
I thought I saw you out there crying ,
But i wasn’t ,
I thought I heard you call my name god ,
Between trees on road sides ,
Vindicated ,
I thought it was written ,
And i prayed too ,
I was a vision reaching down from you ,
I run , but i didn’t turn away ,
And I thought I heard them out there crying ,
Just the same .