Category: Uncategorized

5 years and a step have passed ,
The dr walked into the room ,
Filled with strangers yet to become strangers ,
Where do you see yourself 5 years away ?
He asked the typical cliche nonsense question..
“Happy” i said , only i said..
And it’s done since then ,
I’m still at the shore i went down to,
I’m grateful for a world lived way beyond everyone could see,
But I’m far away way beyond to be called happy.

If i ever learned a thing through the eyes of time ,
It’s the application of meaning..
I no longer see meaning through the happy,
I no longer see the meaning to make a sense of it,
Way beyond wishing for it,
Don’t get me wrong,
I’m way over despair,
Not in it, in the maze of it ,
Of surpassing life,
Of forgetting who i was ,
What i did ,
How i loved ,
How i acted when i dreamed ,
How i was supposed to act when i dreamed.

If u could see ,
Through the edges of time ,
Through the whole of the sun ,
Into eternity’s gate ,
Would you run away ?
Would you ask it ?
Would you ever know ?
What if heaven smiled ?
What if she mocked you trying to be happy ?
What if you’ll be happy ?

What was written before what is written ?
Would you ever know what you were supposed to be ?
Were you ever supposed to know what you’ll be ?
Who are you if you could’ve been anything ? Anyone ?
And you still can ,
But you ain’t no one ,
You’re not here .
Not anywhere.
Not in eternity .
I’m not happy ,
I’m it ,
The void ,
The night , space , vagabond ,
Floating through the vision of god ,
You’re gonna carry that weight , space cowboy..

We’re waiting for tragedy
In the depth of heaven
For heartbreak
For the tears that ain’t coming
For the apocalypse
For the great flood ,
Because we want to live.

I guess it was implanted to us all back before we ever existed
That nirvana , that salvation
Will always exist only through the eyes of pain and despair
That through hell only you’ll reach heaven
And through hell only you’ll taste thyself
And rhat’s why its applied
In our looks , hearts , and holy books

And if it was so plain and day
You’ll stay with yourself that you can’t stand to hear
So without incidents and failures and breaks
Without falling and hurting and get hurt
Without dying and waiting to die
And all the days and the morning suns you try
Without the tears , not under rain but under a blue velvet sky
You won’t feel alive
You won’t survive

We fall in love
To know something down the road
We fall and submit into god
To feel something we can never comprehend , say , understand ,
I guess we’ll keep searching down the line ,
To get reborn ,
To live again ,
Not for hope ,
For tragedy.

I , i am a question to the world
Not an answer to be heard ,
And all the answers for the questions won’t be said ,
Nor told nor known ,
And you’ll always gaze into the abyss and you’ll always be one , I’m just trying to be a kind abyss .
And i know i won’t know them ,
And i know i won’t go now ,
But i feel the path ,
To live , cry , scream , live ,
To love entirely ,
To fly above it all ,
To actually grasp beauty and to hold it ,
To be able to ,
To be eager to ,
To feel..
To know how to live ,
I know the path ,
After all the circles and all the tries , and all the downfalls and the orange filled skies ,
I know death will bring me home ,
And death will make us fall out of the dream and out of the shore ,
Of a thousand face of a thousand places of a million flashes of tunnels of light…
Death was always there and
All left to it to be solved ,
And with it is the key and with it comes the finals score ,
Of you and me ,
And worlds yet to come ,
And worlds far away to go ,
And a million lovely friends ,
Distand , deep , flawed , and known.

I am not a drop ,
Nor the ocean ,
Not that the “i” ever made any sense ,
I say i wanna find it ,
And sometimes that i play it ,
But whenever the wind blows i find myself so distant away to call myself it , to call myself myself ,
How could i be myself when my self isn’t mine ?

Nothing in the world belongs to me ,
Not even me ,
But maybe i belong to whatever took a piece of the me away and went away ,
Like a cat on a flowery street ,
Like a flower on the surface of the sea .

I didn’t want to swim in the ocean ,
I just wanna know it ,
And I’m far away from dropping in it ,
While they’re far away from me ,
And i don’t wanna be happy ,
Even if it was served on silver plates ,
For maybe the tragedy is worth million ,
Of galaxies of golden states .

And in hell u find the cave ,
And in the cave u fall asleep ,
And you wake up in a dream where u know , that like without pain ,
Ain’t no meaning at all ,
What purpose is their ,
When u roll in a flow ,
Where u won’t reach whoever u love ,
Where you’ll always chase to fly ,
But you won’t ever know ,
And you won’t ever find any answer ,
Not thyself down the line ,
So tell me was their other sense ,
That joy belonged to pain , and tears alone ..
I don’t wanna be certain ,
I don’t wanna go home ,
I just wanna live in a dream ,
Where i know everything will be dusted , seen , and gone

Where were we when he created the world ?
Were we happy ?
Because i think all that is true ,
Is a deep , silent , and shivering tone ,
With a boy sat alone ,
I don’t wanna be happy ,
Because all i ever was ,
All i will ever be ,
Is a boy sad to be home ,
A boy said to be born ,
By love lost in a morning dawn ,
That’s mine all mine to be own ,
With no blessed beautiful meaning , above it all ,
Than winds , winds , winds , clouds , and river’s left stone .

And if i loved worlds I’ll decide to stay alone
And if i loved a hundred I’ll decide stay alone
And if i be , I’ll decide to be , that’s the only way to find me , all along.

It’s carved on my chest ,
That my path is under the dark ,
That I’m not from it ,
That it’s not a devil’s mark.

It’s carved into existence ,
That the long way home at night ,
Doesn’t define the destiny ,
And as i am searching and looking for it ,
Existence is looking for me ,
And as i crave the struggle in it ,
It craves itself in me..

For no way home is colorful ,
And no way home is pure ,
And no way home was made ,
By flowers and songs and jewels ,
And i know the path is down there ,
And i know it’s deep to cure ,
And i know that it surrounds me ,
Trying to leave me without a clue .

But the path will always wait me ,
And i will always do ,
Try to find me in the miles ,
The miles of clouded hell ,
Where heaven runs and heaven fuel .

And I’m not a shadow worker ,
But my shadow work for the soil ,
For the joys that didn’t happen ,
For the lost people in dreams ,
For dreams in lost realities ,
And in the me and them ,
And us I’m trying to recoil .

And if i didn’t then god , forgive me.
And love me when I’ll always do ,
For tonight I’m betting on you ,
Not on the flows , not on the moon ,
But on the love I’m willing to be sacrificed by ,
For the angels , not the devil’s fools ,
And tonight I’m getting sacrificed ,
To a dawn nearing so soon.

U know very few can bare the silence,
And that’s for a reason,
A reason to die and live,
In the silent unknown we suffer and in the silent unknown we find answers,
And in the answers we lose ourselves,

Nobody wants to lose himself ,
For the greater flow,
We all wanna let ourselves lose to the sharp edges of water mirrors,
To the things we thing is there,
But won’t ever be,
No one wanna be no one,
And everyone wanna become the one,
And the one of human self doesn’t exist,
And maybe he will in the shouts and screams and choas that won’t be ever heard,
Not by the stars , nor the trees , not even the ants.

U know i can’t handle praying so i cry,
Whenever i feel I’m being good , redemptive, i cry all day,
Praying takes courage and praying ain’t something that weak people do ,
Like love , ain’t something like weak humans me and you could handle ,
And to search for another resolve i don’t think I’ll reach one ,
I’ll just love because that’s all i can do ,
I’ll stay lost because that’s all i am and can be ,
I’ll cry always because there’s no other answer,
Try , Submit yourself to the tears in an aching heart , loving tears , lost dreams , and to an only one , god , beyond what we can fathom to understand of compassion and hugs..

God created the world out of love , absolute love
The world couldn’t handle it ,
So it burst with beauty ,
You see god created them all , and he knew , he knew.

And he created tragedy and hope and hearts and arts ,
For if we somehow , someway lost the way ,
We’ll find them through pain and tears ,
In fears ,
In not feeling we belong,
In feeling that we long,
The faraway close-by beauty .

I no longer accept ,
All thy is not , contain , be , see the spark that is the real ,
I no longer like all who is unreal by denying the real ,
I hereby reject all what doesn’t feel it , know it , live by it .

I choose to pray ,
To feel it ,
I choose to live to see it ,
And see to know it ,
And know to love it ,
To come back home ,
Of fallen stars ,
And nappy dream ,
And lost people ,
With lost hearts ,
And love , cries , and sad melodies of a girl on the streets .

To see the unseen ,
To go to the unknown ,
Things yet to come
To love the broken ,
To cry on grounds ,
To go places , to forgive more , to try more , more running ,
More seeing ,
More reviving ,
A self u chase back to old years ,
To find out ,
To get lost ,
To die ,
To live ,
To be ,
To love god ,
To return it ,
To return the beauty given to be seen by your eyes ,
To be held while you can never hold it ,
Never comprehend it ,

To love it nevertheless ,
All whatever happens , happens ,
To love him , the absolute, beyond us , nevertheless ,

Where were you when he created the world ?
When the morning birds shouted of joy ?

To you , to eternity

All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain

Summer nights always existed
And we dragged behind
The cold breeze never left
We lost our way to it ,
Although we stood on it , yet blind.

And as if blessings never go
And as if forever stood still
And as if you and i and they
Stayed laying down , far away
Looking at the full-sky stars
Up the hill.

And if we stood in the presence of the eternal
What will we say ?
We couldn’t handle ,
The small sands , the few arts , the little lights ,
Just for a day ?

And if i die
Not taking my spirit away
Not flying it
Not setting it running and stray ,
If i die ,
I couldn’t handle then ,
How much beauty there is ,
How much more we’ve yet to see ,
How insignificant , little , poor , unknowingly , incomprehensible, we are
Yet it’s all washed away ,
By a tiny tide of orange clouds
Flowing up ,
Where we dreamed once ,
Where we wonder since ,
Where we wander hence ,
Now and yet .

And now i live for the hope of it all ,
Of a cold summer night ,
Where i was left ,
10 years ago ,
And will never get looked at back ,
And now i live ,
For the hope of my love ,
That i will never reach again ,
That was still tide up ,
In a dark room ,
From a window ,
Inside some boxes ,
Far , beyond , away .

And i live , for the hope that i die ,
Someday , in search of the absolute ,
In dissolving in him , his art , clouds , waves and seas ,
In his suns and sands and flowers and skies ,
In the glimmer of kindness of his people’s eyes .

If i died , in the hopes , that I’d live , somewhere ,
Where i belong ,
Where my heart is good ,
And the memories were lived ,
And my soul did flew ,
And a house was made ,
From chants and screams and laughs and smiles ,

And if in that day we saw ,
The lives of us all ,
I’d be happy that ,
I’ll flow , through a trillion dreams ,
A trillion lives ,
A trillion beauties ,
That i can’t yet know ,
But the gate of heaven seems far now ,
And u live to die to live to die , forever , in the yard , of the loving , the merciful
Of it all.

Ain’t it funny that people in some peaceful well lived countries write horror stories out of boredom,
Here we’re illiterate , no one writes
But at least we live these stories ,
We’re not bored ,
We’re running out of time ,
And if you complain , you’re a bitch ,
If you complain here you’re just wanting a high essential life added to your high quality living ,
Because you just wanna fuck around for the rest of your life ,
While the ones who really struggle who really strive no one hears them
No one fucking sees or cares about their complains .

And I’m not here to speak about anyone ,
I’m only trying to say two or three ,
No one sees you
Weep and you weep alone
Run as much as you want ,
No one sees you ,
Be with and leave how much as you want ,
No one of them will see you ,
Love all and love alone ,
Write , no one will read ,
No one will know how it felt ,
And no one will know how it feels like to smell the fridge at night ,

And when all choose peace and well being ,
You choose struggle because it doesn’t have any meaning anymore to have any sense of good life .

We’re not God’s abandoned children
We’re not his children
He didn’t abandon us ,
The world did ,
And we did , for us.

I’ll go smell the fridge
Out of meaning
And cuss everything
Out of lack of meaning

What if all that is was true from the start ,
And the love of beginnings was all that is ,
True. Pure. Simple. Unknown.
The same way we love all unknown , before we know it ,
Before we know our stand to it ,
Or see ourselves through it ,
Because in the end we don’t like our mirrors , just ourselves , sometimes..

And you look at them , then you forget them ,
Like your first run , your first time putting the earphones , your first fav book , first time living through a teenage dream , first night ride..

What if it’s the only love that existed ,
Then we all loose it , toss it aside , rename it , mix feel it ,
Like we binge watch our fav series then stop at some point , and never continue it ,
Like we throw aside our fav doll , saying we’ll play with it again , then never see it in our lives again ,
Like we just forget that child we thought we’d become ,
And the story you said you’ll write and you’re still waiting ages to do so.

We didn’t fall in love , we fell out of love .

A thousand times , a thousand possibilities , a thousand people ,
It passes on and on and on ,
We catch glimpse of it everytime ,
Then we loose it fast ,
Because we’re unable to hold beauty for too long ,
Because for some they don’t see it ,
And for some it’s too much .

And we screw it ,
When we take it , and throw it at the face of time ,
And throw it at the face of staying for a long time ,
And longing for a long time ,
And fearing the long of time and space and feelings and age and and selves .

What if we lost it forever ,
From the first moment ,
Until the end of times ,
And we leave ourselves their with it , with them , forever .
Because we couldn’t stick to that one possibility ,
And we couldn’t stick to any of the thousand ,
Neither to ourselves ,

All because it was the first second ,
Of love of the beginnings ,
Of a beginning that was so much for us to handle , understand , comprehend ,
Of us , that loved , cried , lost.