إلهي، إن المسير أضحى عبارة عن فائض، فائض من أجوبة، دون سؤال فائض من سؤال، دون نهر حب فائض من نهر حب، دون بحر قلب فائض من قلب، دون قالب ينهمر به، دون تعب فائض من التعب، دون احلام فائض من الاحلام، دون نوم فائض من النوم، دون قدرة فائض من القدرة، دون أمل فائض من الأمل، دون وجهة فائض من وجهة، دون شقاء فائض من شقاء، دون دعاء فائض من دعاء، دون إيمان فائض من إيمان، دون يدين، وجوارح وشفتين، تركضان إلى أنهار شوق منسية، تغرس نفسها في لمحات ذاكرة مرجوة ان تتلاحق، أن يبحر إليها، أن يتنور الوجود بها كما تُطهِر مسير من بهِا، إلهي هذا فائض ووعائي منحتم الضيق، كشريان تاجي، لا يقوى.
Yesterday i was human, Who forgot the face of his head, But he had a good heart that heald the sand, Today i am no longer human, I woke up and greated my mom, Now i am a train station, Heading to black lights, Tomorrow i am train seated, i can’t wait.. God created me this way, Because i always liked people who were train seated in train stations heading to black lights, I want to sit at the back seat next to the window.
We love everyone from first sight, All being, has been seen for the first time, Every person, animal, leaf, cell, Even without realizing, So it’s just an abstract expression when associated with one, Happens all the time through everyone, But what make the universe split for it all, What decides what comes next, is the next second after it.. Infinity dwells in it, The second after we saw, With hearts, We either pour our ego to make meaning, forget, hate, beautify, befriend, what we saw, Or we make it, them, pour into us, to flow with the winds of time To what’s next beyond ourselves, Maybe for the rest of ourselves, But nothing is ours, We love everyone from first sight, And no one is ours, Not even ourselves, Ourselves that we never loved, Since we never saw yet, And we envy who did, In that second second of time, And in such rare sight, We either hate them, Or we walk together through midnight’s sand.
They can read now, We welcomed the vagabonds, On yearning doors, Then later we were found, By buzzing flies of our dreams, We were swinging on trees, With dolphins tears now.
To be a man, Is to seek unknown men from unknown times, Swinging on trees, Trees of ink, tearing happily, the ink, Standing at creation’s judgment, Reciting what you created, Not now.. Not now, Someday, maybe, Like distant men, But my brothers are vagabonds.. Can i ask for another chance at the shore ? On the chores of people i hate, Because they are no dolphins, no men.
Move! Uncover the bone, The honey rivers of dolls, Uncovering buildings, cities, spots we both know, Visited, but never saw, Ran upon, but never ran on, Like someone’s back, His face is all the sky, When you hear books, Telling your heart : Go get it.. and leave books, leave mars, Leave your grandma’s jars, Stop the swimming, Dolphins teared the sea, Come back to where you were, are, The furrowed hair of rascals, Waiting on the shore, The lurking wind of the horizon, Hidden beneath the sand, Waiting for you ? Asking for me.
Can’t reach the gate, For demons got no counter play, And angels got a counter point, And she got exam deadlines on display, She doesn’t know yet, Yet she whispers on the notebook, Like someone’s back, Are you happy now ?
We survived terrors of pillows, We can survive the shores beneath the sand.
We often stand, because we don’t like to moving, And when something moves a way, tragically, sadly, We call for such a moment, To not only not to move, But not to speak too, As if it’s a protest against life itself like “Look we are not going that way, maybe for a little while, but what we are saying is that : we are here, and silent, and alone, in a place we limited, alone, we are going to say it, and we are announcing it, that we are in pain.. maybe more, but we are only going to have it for a short while” Because our souls were not built to endure the silence much more, But is it ? What if there is no one on the other side caring for our silence we are trying to make a meaning of only for us ? And on the other side there’s silence, not trying to make a meaning, or hear it.. And the life we are trying to stand againt is not against us, And if it’s the fate we are trying to protest on, also we’re not a victims of it ? What if we broke the silence, Who cares for our ill-manners ? What if they cared ? Who would see it, hear it, this non-silence ? What if the entirety of our lives, studying, eating, going, writing, watching, socializing.. is just an act of a moment of silence ?
I think I’ll take a moment against silence itself, and click undo, for the rest of my life.
I saw you swam over past lives, To burn the country that you loved, And end the world you want to seize, For a fine something no one seeks.
Wash my faith now, Though you win every time, and I don’t know how, But your ships are selling mirrors now, And i haven’t bought you and I haven’t sold me, But everyone is living for restaurants now; Burned spagetti-burned-town, And i heard you starve, Downtown eggland, With six comrades and a smugly redhead with a crown, She’s got eyes, but she can’t see, You talk like a devil, but then she looks at me..
What about mirrors now ? What about our mirrors now ? The face of my brothers, The faith of the sea, I’m nothing but all what she thinks she see, I know they run it, But i can’t run me, So i lie in the lanes that shame and bleeds, Because you had your bets and i’ve had enough, I’m gonna burn your movies , To attend the plays play-offs.
And they all play the beautiful garden while I’m in the swamp, Cause it’s all we’ve ever wanted, and it’s all that i push still, Can’t i play the burnt movies while I’m in the swamp? Can’t time check for another date while we’re all in for the deep?
I’ll meet you there, In the eternal sadness, The yard of God’s love, Never had any skin here to place, Had all purposes, In all the inhuman places, Where we found dark clouds, On fate and laughs, Of human monsters, Of inhuman men, women, Hymns of childhood birds, Hymn of grandma’s dreams, Carries by the whispers , Of prayers she couldn’t keep, Of tears from her eyes, On me, Of tears from me, to her eyes, To her heart, To ease the dreams on my heart.
In the eternal sadness I’ll meet her there, Them, all of them, And you, I don’t know who am i when i don’t miss you, Without even knowing you, I see you when we see everyone but you.
Seats were hugged by the sun, And chased by my eyes, As thoughts chased you, And everyone through life, Was hugged with my thoughts, Every single one..smiling, Of all humans, being themselves, As we cried over you, Knew me at dusk, Didn’t know you at noon, Except i saw it, With airplanes and sea trains, Or someone sitting emptied, In a library, Empty stadium stairs, Scent of potato sandwiches, And me, in my deathbed; The middle of a bus, Classical hymns stereo, Reminds me of all that isn’t me, Or here, Because all that is me is here, Loved, forgiven, cried over, I wasn’t the one waited, Happily, I was the one who stayed.
Something filled up my heart with nothing, My legs ran to it before my heart, I’ll swim inside a dark cloud, On laughs and fate, So it can rain love instead of me, Someone told me not to cry.
I’m chasing a fog in the glittering night, From a machine like mine, That i want to change , like me.
Im a repository of dreams, They knock without any order, Dreams don’t request, And wind don’t ask to blow, Rain don’t call you when you’re driving, But they hold you when you’re down.
I belong to the walls behind, Not the grounds , Not the parties, Hoping to find someone standing by the wall, I belong to the whispers at the night, When I’m holding in myself, Hoping to hold out art.
I know that art is pain, And it’s the only way we can continue without being dead, But my notebooks are full, And gifts needs people, And i can’t find any shops, That sell me, Nor any people, That get me, Nor any mirror, That see you.
So I’ll wake up tomorrow, I’ll be good to my mom, Make tea, Make my heart again, To cut it all out, To cut out, into a blank space, Hoping to find someone standing on the wall there, Write on the blank spaces left, Until there’s nothing left, But someone who was me.
White skies called I went home Fishes in the bowl Starters for the whole What was in heaven stored I wasn’t even told How could i ever know All the ways on the go My ways on the go Only gone with the wind Of white skies At white days We can’t sleep again We’ll scream again To white skies With white hearts That loved the world That is hurt
White nights told Us to be home Fortuned to be more Focused on a doll The core of our selves The threads behind the door Our eyes that never met Our hearts that always vent For wishes, for dreams We didn’t get yet We woke up at white days Everyone went to other cities Everyone loved, was loved, prayed We wanted to stay Where thou art is my heart ? White nights all we craved
I want to hug god, Through the silence of the night, At the madness of the run, As he always did, I want to hug god, When the cold air is cold, And all the places feel right.. empty, Only i wasn’t alone enough to see, Until i saw my heart, walking on two legs.
I wonder how long it’s been, The sun kissed words that came out, Unexpected, Maybe it saw me, Far from god, you, me, Not ending any circle, Always holding every pillow, Never good but to food, Ever learning the never learning, At winter’s summer nights, Did she leave me, Because i left myself? And god won’t leave, and you won’t leave, And i can’t but cry.. And kick myself to keep from crying, And cry.. And kick myself to keep from crying, As i get washed by revelations, Of beautiful life, Of blessed life, Always fair and full, Always kept, changed, and rolling..
I want to hug him anyway, When they can’t bet on him, Nor on me, So tell me, When there’s no start to start, Where to go with it all? When my heart can’t take it? Which path to pass? At 25 or so..
I want to hug god through a crowded market, At dawn prayers, When I’m no longer alone, At war times that left, Yet they never go, At earthly times never enough, Never end, Always full.
I want to hug god, Before shooting a hole to my heart, Of flowers, The heart that knew him, But i didn’t, To a hole that was always there, But i wasn’t, Only he was.
Then we prayed on the same grave, With two heart, two hands, So our two eyes couldn’t hold to look, To see us, Hugging god, Far away from ourselves, Always far, at home, That was kneeling on colors we only saw.
My heart was back to me again, Found both a hole, And a pine tree, that he later choose, So now i run, With two legs, As you walk, With two legs, and two hearts, On colors we only saw, Then my heart decided another roll, Choose the hole again, Found a willow tree, Layed on its shadows, And walked with it, For god was on the corner of its sun, The only place now, Where i can hug him, Where you walk, with two hearts, As two trees, Of the same color, Where I’m standing silently, Wanting to hug god, You saw it all.
zaki monzer 