Categories
red Summer

A meaning of it all


Once i met a young child , around 3 years old
he still wasn’t able to speak or get any form of comprehensible little words out of his mouth
I used to say why doesn’t his parents take him and check his issue
And i weren’t happy with the way his family was treating and educating him , like all they do around him was laugh and say some slangs and phrases with no meaning , and he’s just there happy all the time and smiling all the time and he just runs and shouts ATATATATATATATAWIWIWIWIWIWI.
Until im no longer bothering to think in this helpless situation.
I was young
I didnt know the meaning of anything and I’d just go on and stress about whats the meaning of this and whats the value of life and why are we here and whats my goal here and blablabla
I used to see alot of signs and numbers that are completely random and completely repetitive everyday
I’d go on and search on the internet and books and ask people and on every place just to know what these signs might be . like they even get with me whenever i’m just thinking about certain issues with me , and like really whats the meaning ? What should i do ?
On and on , i met many children too , i love children , but the thing is there’s many of who i love that just keep asking and asking.
I mean that’s great a kid should be curious ,
And there’s some who just point on everything and just ask what is this and what is that and what is that and who is he and so on…
And we as much as their parents just go on and tell them : this is a wall this is red that is an uncle this is a lion and so on and on , like we’re preparing them for the later stages of life and knowing everything .
just labeling anything  ,
And on and on , a child would grow up and keep labelling within labels and we’re gonna live happily as we do in this fucking full labelled full society filled with limitations and people just trying to limitate their minds and abilities in a limited place , im kidding we don’t.

We go on and learn that the entire universe is made of cellsand particles and everything does and its all 99% space and that we’re living in a fucking water ball floating in space and there’s sth called gravity keeping us on it as it’s keeping the entire cosomos , and we’ll just continue on living our lives normally , as if this isn’t all just nonsense and doesn’t make any fucking sense , but this is a wall and this is red and this is a lion and this is a cell…
And you must keep asking until youre either an ignorant who doesn’t think or live in this bubbly world fully consumed or you keep on until you reach some existential questions that doesn’t have any certain meaning.
The thing is i do
questioned alot and reached what’s the meaning of life , and whats my goal in it and why I’m here .
known what’s the meaning of success and and what u need to do
Do you know what it is ?
Fucking nothing .
We don’t need to do anything
You all as much as an extraordinary phenomenon in nature as everything else.
We go on and think were on some way of success or a journey but we missed the point that this is all a play .
We just have to be alive.
Simple clear as crystal and obvious .
We don’t have to be anything or achieve anything beyond ourselves.
I don’t do anything nor I’m in any certain condition,  i live and i breath , when i breath and feel a nice breeze im happy , the most of happy , and that enough to call success.
I don’t have any specific hobby,  i like to walk on grass and wander through stuff and i watch life as it passes by.
We only get a small specks of time to understand that all of this doesn’t make any sense so you only got to be kind , to not question and to laugh.
Now i just ignore the question , whenever someone asks me
How are you ?
What are you doing ?
As if i should be doing anything as if life isn’t being here in the moment.
And whenever i see daily the same signs i always do i laugh , i laugh in public and loudly , this is just hilarious and i just think that the universe is really sarcastic , and there’s only one meaning and all i can do about it is laugh.
You wanna know this one meaning ? Or why life exist ? Or why are you here ?
Well it goes as this :
ATATATATATATATATATATATAWIWIWIWIWIWIWIWIWIWI BLLUUFFFFFVVVBBBBBB

Categories
Spring violet

Home..

Had a dream yesterday
Maybe i had it many times before but that’s all i remember
Maybe i exist there right now but I’m asleep and dreaming about this life
It was both day at night at the same time
It was in a town with qormids above the houses
And the streets were all bricks of stones that between each one and the other there’s a light coming from below
It was a mixture from many places ive seen in my life , the village, school , Italy mode in games , the shire
And I’m sure I’ve been there before , i wandered there , i belonged there
A feeling of heaven was filling my heart , although in reality all i was going through was the hot summer night and the shutted electricity
And i knew that
And i wondered inside the dream about how such a thing could bring me this feeling
I could’ve thought about it irl , i could’ve imagined it , and meditated while thinking I’m there , but it won’t ever give me the type of that feeling
That light wind inside that wasn’t bothered by the sweats and humid nature of the outside
The wind that passes once in a while to remind me that it’ll pass
That im stuck in an illusion and the real world is burried deep inside an imagination of a child
That the road to heaven lies through miles of clouded hell…

Categories
black white

A letter to my shadow



You’ve been here more than i did
And you chapped this “me” more than myself
And lately I’m not letting you in control but I’m fighting you in my head
I’m sick of you
And you’re control
And all the things you play and all this life you try to run through
I’m tired of cleaning up after you
And all the mistakes you do
I’m sick of your laugh and your tears
And all the ways you’re messing up my mind
I’m sure of who i am , where i stand , what i believe at , and what do i stick to and all the round circles you go through is just to prove me I’m wrong , and that im not really that sure .
I accept you , and i know that you’ll never go , this ain’t a fairy tail , i might get over you for a year or two and youll be back , and i know we’re gonna stay together for a lifetime and that’s fine
I’m the strong persona you personally chapped
And I’m aware enough that this is all an illusion and there’s no stands or selves
But I AM SICK
i dont wanna be this character nor any of your suggestions
Nor anything at all
The interesting thing is that i know you’re strong but you know im strong to the point i know you can’t ever break through
God removed me away with my chair backwards and told me “watch closely” “watched everyone’s shadow”
You can play
I’ll play
Because that’s what you wanna teach me
That the universe is just the funny thing we take seriously
And that it call us to come , drown yourself , take a look , a peak , it’s inviting us to understand and it’s saying look : I’ll lift my skirts this tiny ,tiny bits , do you have enough sense to look underneath? To follow it through ? To understand ?
Take control whenever you want , at day , night , in all situations, and i know that you’re the one writing this right now
But you can’t defeat me , how can you ?
because i don’t expect to win , you can only defeat someone who wants to win.

I’m already under the skirts.

Categories
green Spring

We plants are happy plants

The greatest story ever told is your story , but you’re not in it , you’re not the hero
You’re not the center of the universe
You are the story
You are the told
You are just the center.
You’re not the wave that comes and passes
You’re the passing
You , us , life , universe , waves , we’re the passing , and the sea stays.
We’re not the experience , we’re experiencing .
You give yourself to the water and then you find that the water holds you up
We waters are infinite waters
We plants are happy plants.

Categories
Fall white

The world dwells in me

This post is completely personal :
I’ve never been this happy , and this depressed
I feel im everyone and never this self and yet i feel all i have is this self , and god , so I’d never feel lonely
But i feel it too
I can’t sleep but im asleep
Im not messy and im not ruining anything
Im really living as a vessel for god , and i already jumped in his light and may it take me anywhere , i have hope there and complete faith
But i dont have hope to nag about here , i understand that all this mind stuff is bullshit and nonsense
Maybe i understand everything , but i dont do accordingly to them , so im not wise then
In me lies the complete despair and complete wander
In me lies the ultimate magnificent magic
In me lies the blue numbness
In me dwells the weirdest spirits ever
In me dwells chants and songs and dreams to shout when you’re child
In me dwells a lonely fall season and world
And in me exists you and many versions of it
In me dwells the terror in closests
And the wonder for a new light
In me i dont dwell but the world , the entirety of it is , and its not me recieving it , or watching it , it’s it watching moving playing and dancing with itself
And my self is desperate to catch anything , to feel anything , all along

Categories
red Spring

Love is the stranger

I always said that i wish i could take pieces of my heart and give them to everyone i love
In fact i love alot
It might not be apparent for someone like my with such sarcastic behavior
But i think my heart is just outside my body into everyone and everything I’ve been through
And its been a major problem that sometimes and many times i can’t take it
I can’t take this much love
And this much people
And memories
And hopes to live with
With each one opening a new different alternate dimension to a sun
I can’t
And i dont know what to do with it
And how to use it
And how to show it
And if the world exists within me how can i live with it ?
But i change
There’s still a room for anxiety somewhere within me
But i accept all this
I accept that I’m a genuine lighthearted person
And that i hope for a best within the moment
I might not take this love anywhere or to anyone
And it won’t be remembered
But if it’s within me
I’ll let it stay within me
I’ll use this love to evolve and to transcend
If it ain’t making me a better person and I’m not using it effectively , for at last all i have is me and it , then it has no benefit
I’ll not say i want to be a better person
Or say I’ll show love
No put it in myself let it change me , let it get the hell out of me and let it make me someone worthy of holding it
And for sure , love itself will find a way to be shown on it’s own , it can’t be heard not spoken
Its a stranger
So love you stranger

Categories
black Blue Fall

Imagine to be

Imagine
You jump from here to there
There is where you don’t know
And can’t understand
But there’s alot of information
More than here
Which ,
When you think of it ,
Is impossible ,
You can’t ignore thale fact that a 20 year old human rn can access , if he hadn’t already learn , alot of and about stories , technologies, materials , tools , people , geography , history , cenima , whereabouts and events , more than someone who lived 200 years in ancient times .
Heck more ridiculously even than a tribe or a village in the 19th or 20th century .
Wherever you are now , and its not just bond by the fact of the advanced technology and science in real world but about the insane huge number of humans rn , and it’s consequences going from complications to literally everything and the condensation and setting limitation to the daily life, time , places , rules , of well …ourselves first , the way we view it , and the way we view the world , and the world itself.
So you jump to that place , after escaping this , dont ask me how it’s up to you nyahaha , where it has more ideas views and truths , because it exist on a higher plane than here with higher senses we can’t comprehend but the other difference is ,
THERE’S NO FUCKING COMPLICATIONS.
NO LIMITATIONS.
NO THIS AND THAT.
NO ME AND YOU .
you wanna know why ?
Because it’s all out of human own senses compresed in emotions and unprocessed thoughts and mind algorthims that control them without them even knowing who they are to begin with.
You feel free ?
Just try to remove your name
It’s not about access of information
Or where we’re going
Or if we’d discover that great immersive truth about the universe
Because you know why there’s non
There’s no mysteries to discover
There’s only mysteries you jump into to undiscover who you are , which is the outer world , which isn’t the quest
Not in the scale of time space data
Not even in the scale of energy frequency reality
Go higher be
You unfathomable being

Categories
Fall Yellow

When will i ever learn

God if you can just show me
Where in it do i belong
And i know it’s up to me
But there’s alot of poeple
And alot of times
And alot of places
And alot of stories
And i get that i passed through alot
And wasn’t alone
I know i should’ve probably learned how to live by now
But where
And if it’s gonna be shown
Then when
When will i ever learn..
I can’t speak rn
And i don’t think there’s a way back
To give interest to anything
At all
All that is
I understand it all
But I’m not good at it all
I’m just a mirror
What does a mirror do in a mirror less world ?

Categories
Summer Yellow

Dream of babel

I dreamed i was going up building floors , each floor darker than the other and when i reached the rooftop it was utter complete darkness , but i was happy like I’ve reach it all I’m united with the stars that were brighter than ever , then a series of horror events happened and it was terror really , and when they ended the entire scene just turned into a heaven like one with creatures and all .
Anyway i don’t think it’s a coincidence but i truly believe that subconsciousness surpasses the barrier of our time and space and that it gives us messages to follow , i woke up to watch a video i intended to about samadhi and they talked about Babel and it meaning the tower to reaching god or the absolute and how it was a metaphor of going stages up and up with losing one self to reach the absolute unkown , with one having to take a leap into the abyss and surrender to it too.
So it was the exact call back to the dream with many links of all the events that happened in it to things that were occuring in my reality , and that the path of heaven really runs through miles of clouded hell and for passing that gateless gate that no one can pass , you should become no one .
I saw a story about someone who dreamed that he fell into a river and was afraid of it so he woke up completely terrified , just to go and jump into that exact same river irl and have his entire life changing and going into a great adventure and story from there from that step.

Categories
Blue Summer

Where did all dreams go to ?

You run at sunset
The sand the only obstacle
The obstacle is the bird
And the bird of freedom

She , and lives went away

You cry at modernity
The cry from one side
You watch from the outside
You curse the outside

And they went from two side
And you went from a side

She told a promise
That no one remember
You kept the remember
And told no one about her
She went away
For a call until monday
What happened in monday ?
A loop to be called

And she went with a headphone
A head and a typhoon

And all the sequels
Those sunny holes
That you all dived into
And you only went out to
And the night leftovers
the sleep that left no one
The no one you waited to
The wait that you hoped for

And they went to a smile
Your smile went with a mountain
The mountain was reversed
To a past cave to weep to

The call by the wall person
The wall that didnt fall
To the apocalyse
The fall was home
And the home is still the bricks of the wall

And so they went by
Without an apocalyptic call

By 22 we’ll be alright
By 50k or so
Where were we in the alright
Where are you tho ?
Where is all the running
And all the youth we told our moms for ?
Dear youth can you hear me ,
Can you let my empire out ?
I can’t tell if they stayed with you
Or if i’m stuck at the past
Dear youth are you stuck with me ?
Are you running from the cussing ?
The beach meditations
The towel long thrown
The green field in the eye
The cities that weren’t blown ?
Are you running ?
Of the walks no one ask about ?
Or were you running to me
The no-one that no one asked for ?

Did i go away too ?
you came and didn’t find me ?
Then what are these signs
That i went to find for ?

Not a call
Not a sign
Nor an answer
Just if i didn’t wake up
You didn’t find me where you ran
And my city did find me
And i didn’t find me
That ran past to you
Then
If not monday
If not the mountain
Where did all dreams go to ?

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