Author: Zaki Monzer

I , i am a question to the world
Not an answer to be heard ,
And all the answers for the questions won’t be said ,
Nor told nor known ,
And you’ll always gaze into the abyss and you’ll always be one , I’m just trying to be a kind abyss .
And i know i won’t know them ,
And i know i won’t go now ,
But i feel the path ,
To live , cry , scream , live ,
To love entirely ,
To fly above it all ,
To actually grasp beauty and to hold it ,
To be able to ,
To be eager to ,
To feel..
To know how to live ,
I know the path ,
After all the circles and all the tries , and all the downfalls and the orange filled skies ,
I know death will bring me home ,
And death will make us fall out of the dream and out of the shore ,
Of a thousand face of a thousand places of a million flashes of tunnels of light…
Death was always there and
All left to it to be solved ,
And with it is the key and with it comes the finals score ,
Of you and me ,
And worlds yet to come ,
And worlds far away to go ,
And a million lovely friends ,
Distand , deep , flawed , and known.

I am not a drop ,
Nor the ocean ,
Not that the “i” ever made any sense ,
I say i wanna find it ,
And sometimes that i play it ,
But whenever the wind blows i find myself so distant away to call myself it , to call myself myself ,
How could i be myself when my self isn’t mine ?

Nothing in the world belongs to me ,
Not even me ,
But maybe i belong to whatever took a piece of the me away and went away ,
Like a cat on a flowery street ,
Like a flower on the surface of the sea .

I didn’t want to swim in the ocean ,
I just wanna know it ,
And I’m far away from dropping in it ,
While they’re far away from me ,
And i don’t wanna be happy ,
Even if it was served on silver plates ,
For maybe the tragedy is worth million ,
Of galaxies of golden states .

And in hell u find the cave ,
And in the cave u fall asleep ,
And you wake up in a dream where u know , that like without pain ,
Ain’t no meaning at all ,
What purpose is their ,
When u roll in a flow ,
Where u won’t reach whoever u love ,
Where you’ll always chase to fly ,
But you won’t ever know ,
And you won’t ever find any answer ,
Not thyself down the line ,
So tell me was their other sense ,
That joy belonged to pain , and tears alone ..
I don’t wanna be certain ,
I don’t wanna go home ,
I just wanna live in a dream ,
Where i know everything will be dusted , seen , and gone

Where were we when he created the world ?
Were we happy ?
Because i think all that is true ,
Is a deep , silent , and shivering tone ,
With a boy sat alone ,
I don’t wanna be happy ,
Because all i ever was ,
All i will ever be ,
Is a boy sad to be home ,
A boy said to be born ,
By love lost in a morning dawn ,
That’s mine all mine to be own ,
With no blessed beautiful meaning , above it all ,
Than winds , winds , winds , clouds , and river’s left stone .

And if i loved worlds I’ll decide to stay alone
And if i loved a hundred I’ll decide stay alone
And if i be , I’ll decide to be , that’s the only way to find me , all along.

It’s carved on my chest ,
That my path is under the dark ,
That I’m not from it ,
That it’s not a devil’s mark.

It’s carved into existence ,
That the long way home at night ,
Doesn’t define the destiny ,
And as i am searching and looking for it ,
Existence is looking for me ,
And as i crave the struggle in it ,
It craves itself in me..

For no way home is colorful ,
And no way home is pure ,
And no way home was made ,
By flowers and songs and jewels ,
And i know the path is down there ,
And i know it’s deep to cure ,
And i know that it surrounds me ,
Trying to leave me without a clue .

But the path will always wait me ,
And i will always do ,
Try to find me in the miles ,
The miles of clouded hell ,
Where heaven runs and heaven fuel .

And I’m not a shadow worker ,
But my shadow work for the soil ,
For the joys that didn’t happen ,
For the lost people in dreams ,
For dreams in lost realities ,
And in the me and them ,
And us I’m trying to recoil .

And if i didn’t then god , forgive me.
And love me when I’ll always do ,
For tonight I’m betting on you ,
Not on the flows , not on the moon ,
But on the love I’m willing to be sacrificed by ,
For the angels , not the devil’s fools ,
And tonight I’m getting sacrificed ,
To a dawn nearing so soon.

U know very few can bare the silence,
And that’s for a reason,
A reason to die and live,
In the silent unknown we suffer and in the silent unknown we find answers,
And in the answers we lose ourselves,

Nobody wants to lose himself ,
For the greater flow,
We all wanna let ourselves lose to the sharp edges of water mirrors,
To the things we thing is there,
But won’t ever be,
No one wanna be no one,
And everyone wanna become the one,
And the one of human self doesn’t exist,
And maybe he will in the shouts and screams and choas that won’t be ever heard,
Not by the stars , nor the trees , not even the ants.

U know i can’t handle praying so i cry,
Whenever i feel I’m being good , redemptive, i cry all day,
Praying takes courage and praying ain’t something that weak people do ,
Like love , ain’t something like weak humans me and you could handle ,
And to search for another resolve i don’t think I’ll reach one ,
I’ll just love because that’s all i can do ,
I’ll stay lost because that’s all i am and can be ,
I’ll cry always because there’s no other answer,
Try , Submit yourself to the tears in an aching heart , loving tears , lost dreams , and to an only one , god , beyond what we can fathom to understand of compassion and hugs..

God created the world out of love , absolute love
The world couldn’t handle it ,
So it burst with beauty ,
You see god created them all , and he knew , he knew.

And he created tragedy and hope and hearts and arts ,
For if we somehow , someway lost the way ,
We’ll find them through pain and tears ,
In fears ,
In not feeling we belong,
In feeling that we long,
The faraway close-by beauty .

I no longer accept ,
All thy is not , contain , be , see the spark that is the real ,
I no longer like all who is unreal by denying the real ,
I hereby reject all what doesn’t feel it , know it , live by it .

I choose to pray ,
To feel it ,
I choose to live to see it ,
And see to know it ,
And know to love it ,
To come back home ,
Of fallen stars ,
And nappy dream ,
And lost people ,
With lost hearts ,
And love , cries , and sad melodies of a girl on the streets .

To see the unseen ,
To go to the unknown ,
Things yet to come
To love the broken ,
To cry on grounds ,
To go places , to forgive more , to try more , more running ,
More seeing ,
More reviving ,
A self u chase back to old years ,
To find out ,
To get lost ,
To die ,
To live ,
To be ,
To love god ,
To return it ,
To return the beauty given to be seen by your eyes ,
To be held while you can never hold it ,
Never comprehend it ,

To love it nevertheless ,
All whatever happens , happens ,
To love him , the absolute, beyond us , nevertheless ,

Where were you when he created the world ?
When the morning birds shouted of joy ?

To you , to eternity

All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain

Summer nights always existed
And we dragged behind
The cold breeze never left
We lost our way to it ,
Although we stood on it , yet blind.

And as if blessings never go
And as if forever stood still
And as if you and i and they
Stayed laying down , far away
Looking at the full-sky stars
Up the hill.

And if we stood in the presence of the eternal
What will we say ?
We couldn’t handle ,
The small sands , the few arts , the little lights ,
Just for a day ?

And if i die
Not taking my spirit away
Not flying it
Not setting it running and stray ,
If i die ,
I couldn’t handle then ,
How much beauty there is ,
How much more we’ve yet to see ,
How insignificant , little , poor , unknowingly , incomprehensible, we are
Yet it’s all washed away ,
By a tiny tide of orange clouds
Flowing up ,
Where we dreamed once ,
Where we wonder since ,
Where we wander hence ,
Now and yet .

And now i live for the hope of it all ,
Of a cold summer night ,
Where i was left ,
10 years ago ,
And will never get looked at back ,
And now i live ,
For the hope of my love ,
That i will never reach again ,
That was still tide up ,
In a dark room ,
From a window ,
Inside some boxes ,
Far , beyond , away .

And i live , for the hope that i die ,
Someday , in search of the absolute ,
In dissolving in him , his art , clouds , waves and seas ,
In his suns and sands and flowers and skies ,
In the glimmer of kindness of his people’s eyes .

If i died , in the hopes , that I’d live , somewhere ,
Where i belong ,
Where my heart is good ,
And the memories were lived ,
And my soul did flew ,
And a house was made ,
From chants and screams and laughs and smiles ,

And if in that day we saw ,
The lives of us all ,
I’d be happy that ,
I’ll flow , through a trillion dreams ,
A trillion lives ,
A trillion beauties ,
That i can’t yet know ,
But the gate of heaven seems far now ,
And u live to die to live to die , forever , in the yard , of the loving , the merciful
Of it all.

Ain’t it funny that people in some peaceful well lived countries write horror stories out of boredom,
Here we’re illiterate , no one writes
But at least we live these stories ,
We’re not bored ,
We’re running out of time ,
And if you complain , you’re a bitch ,
If you complain here you’re just wanting a high essential life added to your high quality living ,
Because you just wanna fuck around for the rest of your life ,
While the ones who really struggle who really strive no one hears them
No one fucking sees or cares about their complains .

And I’m not here to speak about anyone ,
I’m only trying to say two or three ,
No one sees you
Weep and you weep alone
Run as much as you want ,
No one sees you ,
Be with and leave how much as you want ,
No one of them will see you ,
Love all and love alone ,
Write , no one will read ,
No one will know how it felt ,
And no one will know how it feels like to smell the fridge at night ,

And when all choose peace and well being ,
You choose struggle because it doesn’t have any meaning anymore to have any sense of good life .

We’re not God’s abandoned children
We’re not his children
He didn’t abandon us ,
The world did ,
And we did , for us.

I’ll go smell the fridge
Out of meaning
And cuss everything
Out of lack of meaning

What if all that is was true from the start ,
And the love of beginnings was all that is ,
True. Pure. Simple. Unknown.
The same way we love all unknown , before we know it ,
Before we know our stand to it ,
Or see ourselves through it ,
Because in the end we don’t like our mirrors , just ourselves , sometimes..

And you look at them , then you forget them ,
Like your first run , your first time putting the earphones , your first fav book , first time living through a teenage dream , first night ride..

What if it’s the only love that existed ,
Then we all loose it , toss it aside , rename it , mix feel it ,
Like we binge watch our fav series then stop at some point , and never continue it ,
Like we throw aside our fav doll , saying we’ll play with it again , then never see it in our lives again ,
Like we just forget that child we thought we’d become ,
And the story you said you’ll write and you’re still waiting ages to do so.

We didn’t fall in love , we fell out of love .

A thousand times , a thousand possibilities , a thousand people ,
It passes on and on and on ,
We catch glimpse of it everytime ,
Then we loose it fast ,
Because we’re unable to hold beauty for too long ,
Because for some they don’t see it ,
And for some it’s too much .

And we screw it ,
When we take it , and throw it at the face of time ,
And throw it at the face of staying for a long time ,
And longing for a long time ,
And fearing the long of time and space and feelings and age and and selves .

What if we lost it forever ,
From the first moment ,
Until the end of times ,
And we leave ourselves their with it , with them , forever .
Because we couldn’t stick to that one possibility ,
And we couldn’t stick to any of the thousand ,
Neither to ourselves ,

All because it was the first second ,
Of love of the beginnings ,
Of a beginning that was so much for us to handle , understand , comprehend ,
Of us , that loved , cried , lost.

I’m tired ,
Of myself ,
And of you ,
And your bullshit that you show
And all the bullshit that i don’t show
Because at least i know it’s not me
And i know that heaven is where i don’t belong
Because i don’t belong to me
And if i ever wanted to run away
And if there js any reason to run away
Its from myself
And all i am
And all i was
And all i will be
And all i could’ve been
And all i couldn’t be

I run ,
To tears and blood ,
To things i want to feel to feel real ,
To real things that don’t exist ,
To existence i can’t see ,
To a vision i can’t reach .

I run away from my dreams,
And fevers and fears,
And screams of a man under a sun,
And screams of a kid that got none..

God take me away so i can be not myself
With no reasons to hide
In this ocean of life
In this ocean of tears
In this ocean of mind

And i know i have a book to fullfill
And i know I’m scared to drive
Between the lines and between the rhymes
And i know i can’t write
Because my hands ain’t even mine
And mind ain’t even right
And my high is so low
And my low is so light
And my light is so faded
In an illusion like a kite
I wanted to fly
All i wanted to fly
My dream was to fly
My dream flew out of sight

We think we comprehend it ,
And we try to make art and movies and music about it ,
And nonsense holidays and nonsense posts ,
And we live a nonsense life trying to make this happen to us ,
It will never be ,
Once i was talking to a therapist and he told me where do i belong ,
I knew but i couldn’t tell it ,
He started stating places but it wasn’t it ,
I didn’t know how to tell where i belong ,
Then at a month a man came ,
And day after day i knew his story ,
He’s alone ,
Not because he’s chosen to ,
But because his only daughter was killed in another country ,
He passes one ,
Like every normal human do ,
As if they’re just ordinary pieces in the society ,
Another day goes on , another month , another times ,
And a women passes ,
She tells me write x and y names ,
And i remember them somewhere ,
I searched on a forum and i told her isn’t (he) him ?
From a depressed shy old lady into a kid that the world couldn’t fit her eyes , she tells me yes ,
The yes that she thought would never come , because she still hadn’t move on from her brother being killed decades ago .

You see the problem with our world is that we think we know what love is , and that we think we truly feel what love is ,
And we go on being the nonsense we are ,
And we try to tell it and to share and to through whatever the lust and heck and shit we want into it to call it love ,
And we make and give food and dinners at streets out of “giving love” ,
And we take another people’s rights or feelings or stuff just because we think we deserve to love them the same as they do ,
And we blame them because we “love” ,
And we kill them too…
And you know ,
Rumi once said :”love is the stranger with the strange language , love is the language that can’t be heard or seen “
And i add , it could be only by pain ,
No one sees the stranger ,
And no one would will recognize the unknown ordinary human passing down the street ,
And the old lady would pass by the same people who killed her brother , the ones who are sharing food on the streets out of ” love “
With no one knowing her except poor old her ,
And we go on ,
Nonsense souls ,
Nonsense holidays ,
Nonsense faith,

all just to blind ourselves from the fact that we don’t know it , and we don’t see anything , and we’re in the face of the dragon we kill the queen , that we don’t love , not even ourselves, love is the lady that knew her brother’s picture was somewhere somehoe out of the world , not only in her bedroom , love is the man walking down the street , not crying because there’s no meaning for him left anymore … –

اخر صورة : بتاريخ ٢٧ تشرين الثاني ٢٠٢١، توفي أخ الشّهيد المظلوم يوسف شميساني (الأول يمينًا) ودفنَ معه في روضة الشهيدين.
يروي حاضرون أنهُ وخلال الدفن كُشف عن جسد الشّهيد يوسف فوجدوه تمامًا بالحالة التي دُفن عليها بعد شهادته يوم ٢٦ تشرين الثاني ١٩٨٨، مظلومًا مع رفيقيه علي صادق ومحمد عُميس (الظاهرَين إلى يسار شميساني).