أريد أن أغدو تنيناً، أحمراً مشوكاً متكئاً على قلعة قرمزية، مقلداً قصصي البعيدة، في زمانات الطفولة الضبابية، ليست وردية ، بل الملتصقة، في ذاكرة وراثية، تنبهنا أن لكل جنة ثمن، ولكل أحلام طفولة ، لا منسية، أنهار من السعي، وراء محيطات من الدهشة، كولد مشى على الماء وقصد، ما تبقى من عمره ليغرف غرفى، من تلك المياه ، تحت قدميه، التي كانت، قبل أن تتبدد معالم مخالب الهوية، قبل أن أغدو تنيناً، دون قدمين تلمعان بمخيلة وسردية، يطير بين أشجار متطايرة ، لا يتنفس تحت الماء، لا يتنفس في السماء، فقط يسعى، لكي يغدو، فقاعات خيال ذو ألوان رمادية، وعوالم شخص ذو شعر من ألوان عدة ، ممحية .
I started a run, With no end lines, Never finished, Races of no finish lines, Only i will , i do.
No questions, in the wheat field, Legs can’t hold more, Left the puddle, To lined lights streets.
No answers, in the lined lights streets, Mind is his spring time, Left all swimming people, Wandering at past wheat fields.
I changed, Mirrors wait for me long now, As i wait for my hair, So i could take my time in praying, For other lined streets, Blue clouds, Yellow films, Green town , black walls, Uphills , secret cells, Active , blood laughs, Wedding rooftops , summer nights, Rascals , reptides , secret tombs, Distant people , wheat fields Maybe laying, Maybe laying, Of my friend , my friends, remembering me, It’s happening, Its happening!! I wish so..
We might strike a bat of memories, Another lifetimes in our one might stand, Will such childhoods happen, To roll the dice once again? To see, Open an eventful call, Like someone who was chased by someone who opened a door, In a field, Of rain, Of you, and me, I won’t race you and me, I’ll run for us, I’ll take my time to dance in the rain.
I’ll run in the rain, Races with the universe , Between trees, beside seas, Where i am left alone, without myself, To spaces on the outside, Of you and me, No wins, no you, no me, Just little infinities, Between every mile, meter, and lane.
And when the universe does math, I’ll be done running too, When he show us, Those infinities, Of choices, chances, dimensions, dreams, I’ll show mine, Of blood, sweat, tears, spit, Because I’m racing with the universe, And I’ll dance and cry on my run, If he restarts, I restart a run, With no end lines, Never finished
No longer found, In tears in rain, The blue cloud whispered, Then my whole body slept, On my dry salty face.
Water drops passed beside, And all the voices fell with it, Except the ones of our spring.
Some of me took me as me, Others wondered by, Where are they? The ones who were and will? Get rid of an orange empire, Trade it with plastic heads town, Did they , will , feel the blue cloud? It’s my superpower to make feel.
Nobody entered an exit, Because i never knew when i first loved winter, Winter soil, I’m still looking for the winter – my lover, So i can’t have a lover now.
It wears me out, Once i sleep with my entire face, If i run in morning? Or run at night? Under rain, Under rain, So i stay awake, The dark is not taking residents tonight.
Awake heart, Only fixed part, With two bridges holding it of thought, One is the run under a blue cloud, And a ticket to my shivers, It wears me out, the ticket, Weights on my handbag.
I’m just a page unwritten on both notebooks, The was and will , or is, A page you needed till they left, With no exit doors, Not bearing the art of them, themselves.. That i made of me, our spring, Looked like a real thing, Looked like the real thing.
More than a word left unsaid, The times i was a question to the world, When the answer could be heard, Remember me, when i can’t, That I’m not just a word, But a page , unwritten , blowing in the wind, When i ran under a blue cloud, not felt Between two rain drops, In a dark night, And an art film , unsent , All gathered, on winter’s soil ground, All my body, rest on my head, Entered an exit , reset
I passed 2000km this year so far so i wrote this :
I run, I move through thousands of worlds that move apart, To make a path for me, Each world in an air molecule, Inside the summer wind, In a silent fall night.
I run, Worlds break through, As this world break apart, We run through the wind and think it will carry us forever, I dash by the coastline, By the great dark whale sea, Sighted by my side, I dig with my legs, Like the ancients and the first lands, While the air in my lungs is getting stolen.
I dig because someday i will vanish as the clouds, I look down to the ocean that saw the world begin, And will see the end, I got reminded of god, I’m slowly drifting to you, Through thousand spaces and by thousands of faces, Outside my mind, On seashores, Inside flashing visions, Between the silence of stutters, On path less paths the wind cave, And as i dash at land i cry to you, Since i can’t plant, not oranges , not pomegranate, I can only dig my soul into the ground.
I search for you, my hope, In distant lands and shires, Through my wandering night, Before i know you, god , i loved you, After i loved you, i ran for you, You can’t be seen by those who are looking, But when did you first looked at my heart? Since it bumps to know your art, Alot, when it moves my feet to a beat, Along thousands of miles, Looking for a path-full path , to you.
The cars and planets are calling me, In timeless dreams close-by, Billion years away, I’m on my way, away from me, Wings twitch, but I’m on, Even after I’m gone the all not knowing ocean will lead the way , to you ,
I run , as i pray, A cinema prayer, That’s never been shot, Only seen, by you.
As the sun goes early, On late autumn days, A late life goes by, Waiting for its sun, Wind passed on a tree lined street, With no trees in sight, So life fled by like all the birds, carrying it, And we were but a point left by, Centered looking at them in the wind, Wishing our time will come too.
Our visions opened up, Like sunlight cracks through the clouds, We’ve ran way far beneath them, In many autumn days, More than we can remember, No trees ahead , no leaves , No tears , to be shed , to fall , No worries to be made , With no trees with leaves ahead, And birds above your head.
No worries, When you got two faces and two hearts, You don’t need saving, When you’re moving too fast, You don’t need saving, When you’re not moving too fast, It only saddens me, That in between all, A fixed point in the train of life, Was waiting to have the last seat, Not for the scenes , only wind breeze.
The wind rises and hits you down, When you’re running fast, And it falls and hits you up, When you’re not, And i fell tired as i look up for the many trees of many lives, That flies above with the birds, I wanna fall in some life of them, Like autumn leaves that never exist, Like the birds do in distant lands, I wanna fall in fall season , In distant life lands, Beyond eyes , beyond the wind.
I’m not thinking of ending things , The savior both my blessing and my curse , My car of life , wasn’t stuck in the snow , But on my bed , which i can’t return to , Its two sides , had two worlds , Where neither i am at , Nor anybody else , I stood at the mountain top of both of them , Yet they ended at the island’s shore , No pirates entered either , Nobody had my empire of dirt , Nobody wanted it .
Casted away here , On a spotless island mind , I drove the car , with the snow outside , Wondering about the initial place , Wandering in the driveway through , What could’ve been ? Written in the eternal eyes , That i wanna be ? But didn’t become , Was fated to drive here in the blizzard which i adore, Not expecting any ships , As my heart bleed “the thing” , I’ve been praying for since ten , Not knowing what where when .
I carried the car as my as the island land , Through the damaged sea of white , Fantasizing about an eternal sunshine , Of pirates , about pirates , While gazing into the banner of the sun , No treasure to be ever found , I’m not lost , and I’m no treasure , And while other oceans couldn’t carry , The weight of existence in the middle of themselves, I , the little swamp , With lousy loudly dirty creatures inside , With thousands of non-interaction , never happened , Maladaptive dreaming stories outside , Outside the window of the car , Far from the kingdom’s portal , I will carry the absurd , Of that empire’s world .
And i , who don’t exist , except there , I , with the wandering kids and mind , I’m not thinking of ending things , I will not leave any kind behind .
To wake up with a pursue Of having day , maybe of work , maybe at a village stay, Of wanting to drink , seven cups for seven days , Each of a color , each of a new sun , Waking up , Not knowing what’s over my head , Got into my fine legs , With only one small muscle , damaged , It has been beeping since days , alone , I wonder why.. Like a frog struggling for water and functioning , And sitting on an isolated leaf , Other muscles left her , They were just fine at the swamp , But you know , My entire body just can’t run an inch without her , This small unrecognizable muscle , Like a clan that is being completely demolished , Like a town with a tomb , getting annihilated . I keep following swirls and circles , I miss running on track circles , I need to keep track of circles , Or else i won’t know , What’s over my head when i wake up , All i want is to run 400m sprints with my brothers again, Brothers are only brothers because we meet in real , And one is between mountains , And the other is between hills , And I’m between them two , I’m between two desks too , Running circles with them , What a great dream to wake up to , Where we won’t be between anything at all , Just out , circling the air , no ceiling above , nothing on the sides of our side , Taking time now , In a simple place designed to take time to , My head rests on a pillow case , And it’s said that a war’s lead but I forget , Did it happen before ? That I let another day go by , like it always did , I want to be afraid , then i will be normal Bt I’m not , it seems that these days , I’m caught under space , but completely free , My heart’s getting harder , gladly I sent my blood away , I’m calling god , I’m not screaming to an empty sky , The only empty sky is me ,
Used to tell god to let go ,
And that it is over my head ,
Knowing he never will , gladly , One half of my heart is free , On a track field , Other half of my heart’s asleep , On a pillow case , Wanting seven colorful mugs , For seven uncolored mornings , Each with a name of a day , Where i wake up knowing what’s over my head.
I felt my heart inside a dream Two beats at a time One to go And one to slide A long break between every skip As if blood entered a void And was guessing if to stay Maybe it didn’t find a heart Maybe i kept it somewhere Although i was going to leave my home And took the letters with me The sea shelves , the pomegranate The broken ones too But I’m not broken I splashed the scent She loved On the void between my chest Because maybe it was left with her And she could smell it in the dawn As i leave before others wake up As i leave with my bag , full of my drawer As i hope that i could once again Feel that I’m not doing enough Feel that I’m not guilty enough I wish i was feeling late enough It was only late for me I always felt that I’ve seen it all Everything Everything was late for And I’ve always felt that I’m in the end of the tunnel I’ve seen it all I’ve felt it all I craved more Yet that was it And before i open the door A cold breeze came from below Telling me there’s always more Always more , more , more Before i reach home I wonder how long Till i belong To god to long And something to fill the spaces Something out of my mind Because maybe it will be far The house where i figure out my mind at Maybe the people running uphill to me Will only be stuck in my dreams Where I let myself down To bring them to life They only wanted to be alive I thought i don’t know how But I’m just too let down to feel someone by my side That could understand That could see them Because my heart was lost inside a dream Two beats at a time And I’ve seen it all Enough of this world yet but Also the other one , it hurts It hurts It hurts God please forgive me for not growing wings But trees over my back So i could let everyone eat sceneries But not stories From my eyes I’ve seen When when when When will i ever see , seen
Time of weep with a voice on its back, A stamp of silent terror steep, Never to be known who left it here, Although it was still warm, Was it a lover or a fire bomb storm? All the people passed like a flash, This they told me it was my life, Took a cake to the bottom of my tongue then, While i hear your voice driven from years it seems, Is fate this brutal to say it back again? Like telling all the other signs, In times of insects, standing on hairs? Of beautiful eyes getting shattered? Of sacrifices, never made? Of flying while never in the skies, Of skies, not to be looked at, But to look upon us? Of us , not knowing, But opening the palms, To rivers to fall, Seeing faces down the falls, Faces, or is it ours? Since none are seen anymore, I could’ve been glad before, If it was me, A faceless monster, But not now it seems, It needs to be more, I need to be too, But less than her, Less than her, they and us, And bigger than life, But not the skies, Not bigger than a rain drop, Not bigger than tears.
I’m found, And it lightens my heart that i don’t know where, how, But i wake up every morning with empty clear ears, It’s not the sky of the ears, But lately the quiet isn’t empty, Because the sky is no longer dropping tears, And smiling isn’t a way to ease the burden, Nor a ship rushes to live, Nor a pursue to a pursue, Talking is a fish when you want to, Days are found by me, Not empty, not found in no shape, Even with no one in sight, Loneliness float away, No sign for the need of it to stay, Because my heart is full, And my body isn’t, The scent of rainy ground is like suicide of beauty, The taste of raisins cake, Burden eases everything, the past, except the smile, I run on two legs to chop wood by my hands, Time waits for no one, We waited places too, time, We waited places to another time, I hate waiting too, I’ll shadow fight all the waiting lists and packs, Including the ones shipping myself, Because I’ll be standing in the way of the present tense, Only then I’ll be an illusion for time, Will always be happening, If i happened, But i was found back then, And the places we left will always be back then, It will wait holding hands with time, In pain, It will wait for us, On another rainy days, We can only bet, They don’t hate waiting too.
zaki monzer 