I used to wake up and say welcome to the physical manifistation that is this world I used to think i live double lives In double worlds And that i merge and be a king like through one then go back to struggle in the other And i used to call the first a home And that whatever happens its a dream and im gonna go there back , to the real reality I started reffering to myself as “we” cause theres many of us living as this person and this body , im not a specific someone And whenever i pray and go through the pronouns ” اياك نعبد ، واياك نستعين، اهدنا “ Its like not only reffering to the faithfull people as a whole but as the lots of off-worldly people living inside and i took it personally. Now im not aware of things but im aware that , i dont only live in two , i go through multi , theres not only one world i dive into ,but multiple reality layers and when i see/watch/hear/meet/feel things in what we call this world and that reminds me of what ive experienced elsewhere, its just a mirror and a reminder of things and a duplicate of them , idk if plato went deeper to this extent where he made out his theory centuries ago , but im not alone.
The limits of my world were just my pencil case I knew one road or two But i only struggled with school Collecting pens and the set turned out to collecting my imaginary friends They were like 40 or so My dad used to yell about how much i collect and use stuff While the arabic teacher used to yell at his daughter for only carrying one or two pens only with her Winter days and the carpets were the geometric scale of my home God knows how many years ive spent there And if i ever came out The center of my universe was big And the border was the darkness under my bed I used to believe theres a ghost there but i didnt see it When i grew up whenever i say i wanna go home i only know that that was it for a fact And that the monster inside my bed were only my imaginary friends from the past that still longs to me
Somewhere between my beginnings at meditation i remember mostly one special one , that one time i was laying still and just doing basics to reach only a higher light level , i began to feel a lighg separation but was still here , then i started to feel a light body above of mine , it reminded me alot of neos from yugioh , maybe it was one of the most fictional characters that i loved and i thought it resembles me , but anw i just felt that lighy body then puff out of nowhere i was somewhere in a roller multidimension in a place that seemed like a circular tall tower where every level of it consisted of a rotating place , i met many people there , and i still remember them , sometimes i dream about them , and im not talking about human like , i saw on a table an old weird granny and i talked to her , she only gave me 3 words , i was at grade 9 then , i remembered those words and i thought they were life changing and so on , now i cant remember one of them and its fine , its just a passing words , and its just a passing initial experience of many to come..
We once went at 5 am swimming during my bday , i once ran during sunset with the wind and my ex best friend , we once sat up a small tower , i once walked with my ex and she gave me a rock , i used to meditate and the only matter was the hot sun , she once told me shell stay with me forever , or i guess asked me ,we used to leave college classes and go play , sometimes the whole class ,one time my friend cried there , my cousin once sat beside me and screamed , my besties once took me at the dark to gaze , i once just gazed at the waves and just thought ” this is life ” , now i just breath and i think im waves ,i cant count times i went alone , but i went alone at night and i thought ,that it really reminds me of how vast the world is and how much you can meet people and live things and yet it still all goes on , might be the place with my greatest memories although i forget about it . I dont think id live a bday morning ever again like that I dont know any certain thing about my ex besty rn College closed Some travelled away I wished my ex a great bday yesterday and she just told me thanks The rock lies in the drawer rn All separated I lived alot , and it hurts , i still go there alone , and no matter what passed , the sea still existed , these world still existed , i guess its only a time to connect to future things like i really wish to go back there again and live as much happy moments , although i know that someday ill stand there and the whole city will be destroyed because of me , after a long passed time since a battle at sunset occured and half of us will be dead , and someday id be expecting someone to return back to their “so called home” there after a galactic battle , someday ill go there and scream too and someday was no day. Gib mir die hand Ich bau dir ein schloss aus sand Irgendwie , irgendwo , irgendwan…
وكنت قد كرهتك لانني كذبت عليك . ذلك انني ان كنت احب العبث في الكلام والاقوال ، وان كنت احب ان احلم ايضا ، فان الشئ الذي اريده في الواقع هو ان تغوروا جميعا ، هو ان تذهبوا جميعا الى الشيطان ! لست في حاجة الا الى هذا ، انا في حاجة الى الهدوء . انني مستعد لان ابيع الكون كله بقرش واحد ، شريطة ان اترك وشأني هادئا مطمئنا ! لو سئلت ماذا تؤثر : ان يهلك العالم كله او ان تحرم من احتساء نصيبك من الشاي لقلت : ألا فليهلك العالم شريطة ان اشرب الشاي ، اكنت تعلمين هذا ؟ اما انا فاعلمه .
Imagine having a normal day at highschool , then the entire place , students , and you got drifted into a blank space , another dimension where nothing exists and where everything consist of new rules and powers , then you keep drifting on again from one dimentional place to another , from one world to other , until you live whats around 2000 years in these alternate worlds, with people , each different time , different , with each got an unique one representing his inner self , and also the girl you like , can u imagine how many lives youve lived ? Without even getting old ? And then u find out that your power was drifting everyone into a new world.. and as for the girl you like her’s was being a compass that sees light , the light that you are all searching for to return to reality , to this dimensional normal life we live in.
That light is a view for the heart , for true belonging , for growing up , moving forward , facing the world.. The girl you like died at some alternate world , because well she opposed the entire world that is trying to reach the perfect game , the jam of many dimensions , u tried and managed to escape finally with your friend at the end , another interrupted you , he found out everthing’s and everyone’s gone all this time , theres nothing to hold up to and he lets you pass , finally he accepted, that theres no place for anyone to go to , that there’s no road to god except being here , being now , some lost themselves in the process , some died , some became a forrest , and some escaped , because no one is obliged to stay in his mental prisons. You return to the real world , no time passed , all these 2000 years where just lived , inside you , its not the better world and you cant change it into one but you still choose it , when you went back , you find out everyones is still here living and going to school , except no one remembers who are you or what happened , all these goddamn years, and all those worlds, and you find out the one you love that died is still alive here , but cant remember anything too ,and this is all the light she once saw , you go on and live a normal life again , in silence , you struggle through your studies , through work and with people and nothing is extraordinary as where you used to be. your friend you escaped with was the only one to remember too , and you both grow up together and accepted who you are and how far you came..
“As long as theres still a little of who you were on that island there, youll be fine..”
This is a story ive both experienced irl and experienced through anime media , this resembles my entire life , this anime moved me to the core of my existence where alot of things i imagined , lived and drifted through happened, this is just the tip of the iceberg of my (and many) interpretation and understanding for this story , and that i wrote only after my first warching.. #sonnyboy
عندما كنت طفلاً ، رأيت الله، رأيت ملائكة؛ رأيت أسرار العالمين العلوي والسفلي. ظننت أن جميع الرجال رأوا ما رأيته. لكنّي سرعان ما أدركت أنهم لم يروا…
I always knew that as a child i was more capable spiritually , i even developed lucid dream and astral projection like i was blinking , i didnt even knew what they were , that , for a 10 yo child was a great feet , and now im just trying to find my way back to the greater understandings i had for things and for god
I’m slowly drifting to you The stars and the planets Are calling me A billion years away from you I’m on my way I’m on… I’m on…
Think about it 1/3 of your life is sleeping 1/3 is in sub consciousness As for me its like wandering in some other higher dimension Only to wake up everyday and say to myself , do I have to go there and live that life again ? Every morning ? That physical manifestation we call reality ? I was watching an anime and in their dreams consisted a point that’s the center of their consciousness I wondered what’s mine , so I guess it’s multidimensional buildings I keep experiencing in my dreams , where I meet many new people in .. And as I drive back , as anyone else , back here , and I have to deal with everyone , all these obstacles , and days , I keep saying all day I need to carry that weight , only in day time At the early morning im not even myself and at night I wonder who I even am And as im flowing , surviving , struggling through life , I get distracted by many things , like we all got sth that might define us or ease the pain , but many other days I doesn’t . So here my only escape , or I guess salvation , hope light… whatever is going back , thinking , feeling , or reminding myself in my inner world , the dreams I had , the visions I saw , the people ive been with , and the stories I lived inside , the puzzles I’ve gathered from what I like in the world to build my own And as I’m trying to understand human behavior and nature the more and more im getting to realize that we’re just mirrors who are carrying our inner world which every single on of us got , due to his interpretation of the world and the way he act uppon it , recieve it , and the energy he emmites. Each one is carrying it as if it’s eden and he wants to apply it to all humanity , and he gets mad if the way things flaw doesn’t match it so there’s no certain happiness weaving near , we’re carrying our inner world but that’s all we are , we ain’t nothing but them and we reflect them as we go by , and in the end of the day if you lost it , your deep self , even if it’s shit , that’s it your done , and if you try to force it in this third dimension you’re shit too , and if you try to think that all of it came from this dimension and no other one exist, ugh just go get yourself another self , another illusion as the one you have . We’re just a dream It all is Life’s
“I dream . sometimes I think that’s the only right thing to do”
Im zaki I dunno how much you know me but I dont even know myself , although I love myself and im proud of me , and glad for it , this me is just a character and it’s composed of different personas , I play each according to the situation. Im 21 , laying in my bed , its late night , night , spring , ramadan , day off , and im already tired , im both lost and found. I have pure ocd, I’m messy , simple , talkative but completely calm , Im a passing wind , I wanna do some cool tattoos and I’m about to break bad , I have faith but no hope , I’m struggling to get a better spiritual journey and
connection to god , and im living many battles inside and outside , but I don’t talk , I live in a world on my own so whatever happens happens , im cold blooded , I’ll break you insane , im manipulative in a way , im the worst enemy for the world and the best hero for you , I wanna burn cities , I wanna read alot of mangas and I really wanna be a writer . I’m good at nothing , not a single specific thing , but not going to care tbh ,I don’t give a shit about looks , I don’t care for the way you eat or behave or breath , if the world is ending im gonna drink a cup of tea and watch it , that’s the person I am , a watcher , a flow that watches things flow ,I’m getting to realize that this outer world is just my exteneded body. Been a year since im last active on social media and it’s fine , whatever you say or share willnt be remember after 50 years , you are nothing , we’re all shit , we’re all dancing dying bags . the only person I miss is someone whos never gonna be back , and to speak of which im truly in love with many people , just tired of them and tired of trying to care for everyone , I want to go , I want to leave uni , to leave work , to leave friends and family , I want to leave and start an entire peaceful completely another life . I here , feel like , that I’m glad I existed , and went here , I will not be remembered , neither my stories , nor the memories I had , nor all the feelings for anyone , but the universe knows , I might be good or bad or those many types in them , but I love some little stuff in life , stars , fiction , fridge , noodles , classicals , grass , flow of things and im even polyamorous , I want to either live or die , I love angels and rabbits , I want to fly , I carried the weight of worlds , who carried me ? I am the color of dawn , I am the violet in night , I want a way out
“It’s only so much you can take before you break” I’ll be egoestic here and say , I’m the most calm person you’ll know in your entire life , not because I want to keep things inside , but because I have no energy to argue or talk or care of whatsoever , and although I got people I can go to , but ive been through shit no one knows shit about , ask pure ocd , and from time to time its like burdens sticking up to my body . I acknowledge the fact that god gave me many gifts and blessings but maybe I just got a bad luck , its like a devil shadow following me from inside and someday gonna explode .
And by breaking apart I recall people like Heisenberg or mob psycho or guts… lately I think I passed through a fine time but it’s all anxiety over anxiety and trying to keep it cool with people and family , I bought too a new motorcycle three weeks ago and on the second day while putting it at the warehouse at work underground a supplier just I dont know the fuck how went and hit it with his truck , I fucked the warehouse , I screamed that it was empty and everyone 2 floors above came rushing down , I broke things that I have no idea how or when I broke them , it’s like I wasnt me , I was my revenge on my luck , my madness inside on my life , then at night I came back home to be shocked that one of the most people I ever loved has died , she was my best teacher , she was still young , I loved her , she cared for me at a dark time I needed someone and I was searching for a way these years to find her and talk to her again… I forgot about my life and my anger and whatever the hell was going through my day and I was just calm and I cried , things just break you in different ways .
Berserk v26 (2008) (Digital) (danke-Empire)
I recall guts and all these rages he had , he had a home , friends , and he lost them in betrayal and in the worst possible way so he went for revenge and found another home in his way ,
and mostly he was broken but he found compassion and humanity along the way .
same as mob , mob was a man with power , but with kindness in a place without it , that he was pushed to exceed his 100% and explode , only to find how to turn it into explosive goodness and trying to be good even if nothing is to him
Luffy on the other hand kept on smiling and smiling , then he broke down when he lost his brother and his crew were wiped out , he broke himself so he can stop and look for a way to move forward , to get stronger for them , to smile again .
And as for others Kaneki broke because he was tired of staying on the good side , tired of being good , he broke the ghoul inside of him and got to the other side because he can’t take it more
, as for Heisenberg, Heisenberg from beaking bad… really did break well , when you do sth just for yourself , just to feel alive , just to break from all the chains and characters you’re playing in your life , even if you did bad
. bad like eren did , although sometimes I think he did nothing wrong , we all expect that from our savior whether it’s jesus or al mahdi , to wipe out evil even if it means killing people , and for him , they took everything from him , killed him mother , friends and comrades , and called him devil , so he broke out and let out the devil in him.
Anyway the thing is we are all suffering and battling fear , all searching for ourselves and all might go down someday or break like hell , in many different ways
, and maybe for me someday I might break 100% like mob and destroy an entire city , maybe ill break free like mr white , maybe ill break from all those grudges in my chest and miseries in my life , maybe ill split apart like kaneki or find myself like the others , someday …
maybe I’ll be good and bad and at that moment ill be a great hero for myself or the worst villain for the world Someday , somewhere , somehow
zaki monzer 