Where do i stand ? Where in this abyss do i stand ? While solving the abyss of where “i” stands for..
Everyone keeps talking about the spring of tomorrow, But i find myself not fit into it, Heck i find myself not fit into everything not even me , And if there’s a place , Larger than the abyss Outer of it Outer of me Outer of what i can even see I’ll crave my way into it.
I’ll keep smiling but for how long ? It’s been 23 now and i just can’t see my way out of 24 , And i feel I’ll never see it , It’s a short long then , So we’ll have some joy a little more..
I wanna be I wanna crave I wanna see Something more , outer , inner , larger , greater , kinder, lighter , I wanna be , god i do wanna go, Reborn Good Kind
And since i made the promise for that little kid , To crush it all , And since the times have swallowed me , As much as i gazed into it , And since i dreamed to fly; And since that dream flied.. I’ll fly into it
And god has taught me the meaning of eternity, And I’m still not grasping it, And I’m still far away from harvesting it , And the soil will turn on , Will i turn on into the soil i am ? Will i ash over the sun , That always stayed in our hearts , If that kid i bet on is hearing me , Will you bet on me ? Will god be seeing us smiling ?
And a wish whispers tn a morning dawn , After a midnight, Over a window far away, In sands , and sea , and wind , and leaves , In tears , In you , And me , And me want to ride blowing wind And me wanna be
This garden is safe garden, This garden changes you, And the wind comes once a year, So the pain end where the sun starts.
And you can’t see the storm that ain’t coming, And you can’t sense the brightness of the sun, And you float over an island, Made for people.. With no humans on board.
And on the background is a dream, A dream worth sailing too, But the ship doesn’t exist, And you’re in the desert.
And the monkeys sang, To a spaceship in the middle of nowhere , With skeletons in its closet, The closest of an empty spaceship, Of monkeys and zombies.
And round and round they go, And round and round you think, And places to places they see, And worlds and worlds you hear, But the racers don’t hear you, And you see the dream.
And the garden has leaves, Leaves of insects of feathers and dreams, And the dreams take you to a flower to a scene, That change you and whatever life may seem,
The change of games, And applications and gears, And soundtracks to come, And soundtracks yet to come, And starred messages as cars, And clouds as wind , as pain as fears, But you see, My darling, This garden is here, This garden is for you, The storm and the dream, This garden is floating, And this garden is big, This garden is a garden, A safe garden it would be.
It’s 10:34 pm On the rooftop The music played saturn by sleeping at last I sit on the edge with all places in sight , Except the places i wanna be at, Except the places i belong to,
I lie my back and open my hands to the sky above , i pray. It’s truly rare beautiful that we exist, And it’s truly rare and beautiful to keep it that way ,
And with these toxicating lights , Fading lights inside Social anxieties inside Social groups Boxed groups Boxed places You search for the garden The garden of void Of serenity Of belonging
And i know that no one will ever no How i feel when i lay my back And i feel the infinite edges of a tiny distant galaxy that is insignificant.. And that within all this insignificant I’m still not over that kid 10 yo me , trying to understand even the wonder of the rounded earth and it’s skies…
That kid that used to get up with his grandpa , Now he’s gone, And the others are gone , And i cry when i feel like i might actually never ever see them again , And if the universe was made to be seen by my eyes, Their eyes were here too , What if it went with them ?
Was the world always like this ? But we didn’t recognize it when we were young? Did we wander with wonder only because we didn’t know ? Can we undo it and wonder with all place to go ? And are these lost visions of cursed realities really there ? With lost people ? In lost times ? Will we ever reach there ? Will we ever be ?
Finite monkeys In finite forests In infinite seas That doesn’t speak That doesn’t talk That comprehend Finite monkeys in incomprehensible way
Infinite light Comprehend all What we can and what forest can And what both can’t
U dream of finite people, Feeling infinite spaces You dream of infinite spaces, Not felt by finite people, And you dream that someday, Infinite people meet you in infinite spaces.
For now
In this finite world
Take it all in…
You can never comprehend , see , be in infinite
So take it all in…
Don’t believe what’s in front of you
For your vision is finite
And that the world is too
And that what dwells in it is short seen , if seen
And what is seen dwells in few hearts , in few spaces
Spaces will never be here
So don’t be, We have a responsibility to not be, Here , nor there To be beyond what we think we are And what we don’t think we are And a responsibility to know that we’ll always be dust Even when we break space and time , and good and evil , and reach a garden of serenity,
We are dust,
And we suffer when we try to be something more,
As if we go and run through life and panic to be something as if we are meant to or necessary to achieve something beyond our selves , and there’s no beyond it, We’re not great If we tried to look through eternity’s eyes we can never even look ,
Being alive is unseen Unknown Strange Incomprehensible And short And there will never be any kind of word or dictionary to explain it. Being alive is a lone man in a lone universe , so be a lone
To you , myself , Would you think of me ? Would you try ? Try to be ? Try to start ? To begin ? Isn’t it ? When will you ever learn ? When will you ever learn to live ? When will you ever live ? When will you go over your mental barriers ? And you mental driven life ? When will you ever be free of your mind ? Or even heart . Of this character , these circumstances , this unthankful self , this lying self , Change learn change learn change learn , Does it matter ? Are you gonna for once , stick to sth that make you feel worth living for ? One single thing ? If you’re not taking care of yourself what are you waiting for If you’ll never swim how will you catch the wave , But i wonder , is there a story ? Your story ? Will it happen ? Someday somehow somewhere ? Do they exist ? Do they ? Do you ? Will you ever know ? Even know god ? Will you ever fear him ? Love him ? While knowing it’s true ? Will you ever try caring for once , for once , for that little kid still waiting ? Still gazing ? I’m begging you , I know you have no way to know , no way to know how to start , or try , or is there , but you’re gonna blame your past in a distant future like all over again , like always … Will you take care of your dying heart , aching body , that you’re even locking it to run away from you ? Will you ever dream a good dream to wake up and find yourself in it ? Will you ever be freed from all this shit , nonsense , bullshit In you and everything else Will you be you ? Will you not be you ? Will you will ? I can’t tell you to find a will , because i know i need to tell you to will to find also , And i know I’m throwing these in void , And that there’s nothing in your hands , and what if Could you fight your tears if so ? Could you now ? The tears that ain’t coming And the tears that are , And the tears of loving , And the tears of every scar , The tears of tearing , Tearing apart , Far .
You lie through your tears And you lie through your teeth And you lie whenever you say you care Or when you care to say anything at all
And you lie to yourself Without having to lie for others Without having to know it
And you know the lie Without acknowledging it Without having to care to do so
” I realize desire And trembling in the anger Though I know that you’re a great liar The world is painted in dark grey “
We lie when we don’t lie And we lie when we lie
And it’s the greatest sin and it’s the greatest redemption And it’s the greatest key And it’s the greatest fee , That you give yourself That you give to others
And it’s formless To anything And it’s merciless To you And it’s shameless To others
And if you could split the world in two It’s those who lie And those who knows it
And it hurts when you know they lie And it hurts when you do alone And it hurts when they lie when they wish you the best , or when they wish you to live , or when they wish you to be you
((there is only one sin, only one. And that is theft. Every other sin is a variation of theft. When you kill a man, you steal a life… you steal his wife’s right to a husband, rob his children of a ather. When you tell a lie, you steal someone’s right to the truth. When you cheat, you steal the right to fairness… there is no act more wretched than stealing.))
-Khaled Hosseini, The Kite Runner
steal or lie , the same face to the same coin to everything.. Lmohem lneye
The world outside is either celebrating or fighting on and event , Independence and victorious event , And amidst all this i didn’t find my part So i tried searching for my part , i tried feeling belonging , but i couldn’t, And i asked again , myself , the one not feeling , and the one feeling : Why should i call my birthplace, the country I’ve been born into , a home ? I have no obligations I don’t call it so I don’t feel any attachment whatsoever to it , Nor it’s people , nor it’s ideas and nor it’s ideologies.
I don’t belong to any certain land , any certain limitation , to any certain group or to any certain country , I’m from the ground to the ground , And I’m a piece of it, While everyone is fighting over who’s the coolest over it..
I tried feeling a sense of pride of many past accomplishments that happened then i wondered , Pride ain’t true , And i wasn’t there nor born , And i don’t know the people , And if i told myself i should feel proud or happy because of things other did then why ? If the answer is because i share the same piece of land as them then I’m insane , or even the same religious stem , Then if i tried to think of it as an event of salvation or freedom then , are we ? Are we ? No Are we ? No Are we ? Fr ? No
We’re slaves to ourselves before anything , To media , To many powers Inner and outer Without acknowledging it .
If i tried to feel happy because of the same righteous acts or ideologies i support then i should know that there barerly ain’t any of these anymore..
I can post and share and hallelujah But i try to analyze , gaze and stay tru , without emotions kicking in.
Tbh i never celebrated any of holidays or events in my life , because i don’t believe in any , not my bday , time is merely a human construct and all these sets of events are limitations set , mostly don’t have meaning , why should i recognize and go with sth that i believe doesn’t have meaning ? And I’m talking about 95% of events . Time is an illusion
And as i don’t feel set for any place , that so to any date , that so to any ideology i can change… I don’t celebrate simply because i don’t belong, i don’t belong because i don’t understand , i don’t understand because i don’t feel and i don’t so because there’s simply no belonging , to feel like something outer resonates with your inner world , or that something from outer is helping your inner vision of what’s true or right , i don’t go with anything as a home , or event , or worth enjoying , except two things , one is all things , because i belong to these rivers and mountains and trees and sunlight and many infinite moments in these space time dimensions , and i feel i belong there , without what’s the country of them called , without people , whithout the vision of others , i belong to whatever my self dives into , and two is the quraan , cause if there would be any definite place , set , country , time , then quraan is home , islam is home , is the way , the path , the house , the unknown to many , the felt by few , the understood by counted , the lived by lost yet found people and hearts , such as prophets , the ones i call my best friend , the long time long space friends of mine , in god , in eternity , in all days , and all events … ❤
Driving in the dark 80 km/h Who we are in this complete utter night , darkness ?
Walking in light Nearly no speed Who we are when we are absorbed through this white wash of day ?
Through plants , cars , pulps , rocks , through times beyond our grasp..
Who we are in this dark within our heart ? and with minds that can’t grasp the infinite nor the higher realm ? Who we are in this shell ? Unknowing, uncertain and unreal ?
Who we are driving in this life , like a dust , on a dust , floating in space , in a super speedy train of a galaxy , in a super trainy truck of constellations , floating in a very very distant blank lonely part of a galaxy ? In a very very very insignificant non-measured not important slice of time loosing it’s meaning between infinity..
With no mind ahead , with no light , with no road , nor time nor space , just god , the biggest of all comprehension, of all seeing , of all knowing , of all these alternate worlds build upon every sand , wind and molecule..
Who we are driving in this abyss ? We are the abyss We are nothing We are the dark We will always be And god , god is way beyond every light could reach.
Today was a fine day , A sunny clear day , You could hear the sound of leaves and wind all around the forest, People went surfing , And although we had alot of things to do , to play , and to make out of it, weirdly enough we did nothing , all of us at the same time , We just came , sit on anne’s doorway and listened to the silence We were hypnotized by the silence, Lips drinking juice, Yellow sandals , Hazel reading a book , The noise of windy and rose trying to disturb my tranquility…
We had a lot, we planned alot And we just sit around.. in silence.. and watched alot.
The wet roads, The bell sound on the door, Eyes, People crossing on bicycles down the road , Eyes, Someone’s beautiful scent , Kids far away balling at the beach, Eyes, Flips of pages, Alma’s suddenly spreading energy , Anne’s mom calling for dinner, Glittering eyes, Smiles on lips, Closed books, And footsteps of twelve peaceful kids…
Today was a fine day , we did nothing , but exist.
I blinked to a cat with one eye, The left one, The one i had, She did so to me with one eye , The left one , The one she didn’t have..
I ran over the wind, And a potato bag ran beside me, It stopped with the wind , While i stopped when I’ve beaten it..
And they ran in the novel, And they ran in the nights, And they ran in the school in a middle of nowhere, And they ran with the kites, And they ran with tears, And they ran with the memories over the years, And they ran with the ocean of fears, And the ocean of birthdays, The ocean of a thousand hope and a thousand tide..
What beyond them ? Where did they run too ? I’ll not accept it , I’ll not accept a sad story, Or a tragedy,
And if the heavens are sending me signs, Heavenly are heavens signs.. And if heavens carving a path, A path of heaven it carves.. and if i ever lose my way to heavens , Heavens will find your way to you..
As long as you run, It runs more to you, As long as you make meanings it gives signs, And as much it doesn’t care about meaning, You do.
And as much as there is roads there’s revelations and signs, And it’s not over, You wrote this when you’re dreaming, And you saw the cat in your sleep, With one eye.. And it doesn’t seem like, someone will understand you With two eyes.. Or knows what you’re meaning, You know what you’re meaning , You just don’t know what is it.
The cat blinked. With one eye. The left eye. Forever. I blinked. With one eye. The left eye. Forever there.
zaki monzer 