What would you do when you’re no longer human ?
When u can’t feel anymore ,
Not about emotions ,
But about emotional understanding..
I don’t know if it’s maturity or a curse,
But what would you do if all earthly matters literally died in your eyes , all the places and all the stuff , all the events.. all just cliche limitations i don’t quite understand how people take it and take in it and live with it, i really don’t understand human concepts anymore not even conversations..
U can look at life for a lifetime,
And you can look for couple of times , to realize that this is all just an infinite abyss of people and paths and choices , and how can i know where i stand in it all ?
How can i know where i belong if i don’t even know who i am ?
How can i be with anyone if so ?
I swear i gave my all to everyone I’ve known too , and i don’t think in the length of my life that i deserve all that was given back to me.. and over all of that i still try to understand them and care and give give give , god taught me that.
And still
Everything is gone.
All I’ve lived and loved , all the memories and places and people and movies and memories , all in history’s dark mind.
You know , all those moments will be lost in time like tears in the rain, and i live by it , all these people and stories will be lost , all I’ve lived will be , so now i just can’t feel anything anymore , u can say u should appreciate this moment then , but no the problem is that i appreciate all that is gone and all that is gone is all of existence and it’s endless possibilities and I’m just here trying to play a monopoly for this character that i call me and how can i know god ? How ?
How and all that is left of me now is just a huge hole and I’m barely clinging to life just because of fictional story of people suffering and still going on..
And i know i could never be understood nor all what i feel in existence, and maybe i feel alot to the point of no return ,
But here what i can just give , i don’t have anything ,i am not anything , i don’t belong anywhere , i know nothing at all and i don’t have any skill , when people tell me how i am or what will i do these days I’m just silent
I’m silent and that is all i can ever be , i run and only run and that is all i can ever do , in fact all i ever thought of when i was a kid is just running away for no particular reason , like it’s in my blood and soul , i can’t even let all the stories inside me out and it’s bursting inside, and all i ever wanted was just someone to watch me die while i cry and tell him how beautiful it is to exist and be alive , all i ever wanted is to be found, not by anyone , not by me , but sometimes u bet on a story out of this world , maybe I’ll bet on losing dogs too
zaki monzer 