“It’s only so much you can take before you break”
I’ll be egoestic here and say , I’m the most calm person you’ll know in your entire life , not because I want to keep things inside , but because I have no energy to argue or talk or care of whatsoever , and although I got people I can go to , but ive been through shit no one knows shit about , ask pure ocd , and from time to time its like burdens sticking up to my body . I acknowledge the fact that god gave me many gifts and blessings but maybe I just got a bad luck , its like a devil shadow following me from inside and someday gonna explode .
And by breaking apart I recall people like Heisenberg or mob psycho or guts… lately I think I passed through a fine time but it’s all anxiety over anxiety and trying to keep it cool with people and family , I bought too a new motorcycle three weeks ago and on the second day while putting it at the warehouse at work underground a supplier just I dont know the fuck how went and hit it with his truck , I fucked the warehouse , I screamed that it was empty and everyone 2 floors above came rushing down , I broke things that I have no idea how or when I broke them , it’s like I wasnt me , I was my revenge on my luck , my madness inside on my life , then at night I came back home to be shocked that one of the most people I ever loved has died , she was my best teacher , she was still young , I loved her , she cared for me at a dark time I needed someone and I was searching for a way these years to find her and talk to her again… I forgot about my life and my anger and whatever the hell was going through my day and I was just calm and I cried , things just break you in different ways .
I recall guts and all these rages he had , he had a home , friends , and he lost them in betrayal and in the worst possible way so he went for revenge and found another home in his way ,
and mostly he was broken but he found compassion and humanity along the way .
same as mob , mob was a man with power , but with kindness in a place without it , that he was pushed to exceed his 100% and explode , only to find how to turn it into explosive goodness and trying to be good even if nothing is to him
Luffy on the other hand kept on smiling and smiling , then he broke down when he lost his brother and his crew were wiped out , he broke himself so he can stop and look for a way to move forward , to get stronger for them , to smile again .
And as for others
Kaneki broke because he was tired of staying on the good side , tired of being good , he broke the ghoul inside of him and got to the other side because he can’t take it more
, as for Heisenberg, Heisenberg from beaking bad… really did break well , when you do sth just for yourself , just to feel alive , just to break from all the chains and characters you’re playing in your life , even if you did bad
. bad like eren did , although sometimes I think he did nothing wrong , we all expect that from our savior whether it’s jesus or al mahdi , to wipe out evil even if it means killing people , and for him , they took everything from him , killed him mother , friends and comrades , and called him devil , so he broke out and let out the devil in him.
Anyway the thing is we are all suffering and battling fear , all searching for ourselves and all might go down someday or break like hell , in many different ways
, and maybe for me someday I might break 100% like mob and destroy an entire city , maybe ill break free like mr white , maybe ill break from all those grudges in my chest and miseries in my life , maybe ill split apart like kaneki or find myself like the others , someday …
maybe I’ll be good and bad and at that moment ill be a great hero for myself or the worst villain for the world
Someday , somewhere , somehow
zaki monzer 