Work , walk , mosque Pray , lay , fall asleep You’re in another world before you know it Sometimes i wish that’s how life is And maybe that’s how it is
You’re in there There’s people you know But they aren’t the people you know There’s people you don’t know But they’re the people who knows you really And they’re all just good And it’s all a good place And it’s all a good ceremony
There’s festivals friends and food There’s madfa3 and suns And yellow buildings with green floors And a land not found in your wildest imagination And a feeling that fills your heart You’re there where you belong And it’s all good now And whatever you’ve been through It’s over , it’s all over That life you’ve been at was just a dream And it’s all over now , it was a mere second And you’re glad and happy
When u remember that And u tell yourself that And you hug it “This is where i am now , it was all a bad dream , this is my reality now” And you hug it Like you’re hugging a pillow filled with stars And you sink Sink Sink Sink In it
. . It’s a dark space So it’s nothing But you remember there was something right ? Wait wait wait you were somewhere You were still in that dream , that life Your think and you open your eyes before you know it, where were you ?
It’s dark There’s no one You’re in an empty dark mosque underground Ohhh you’re back here , you tell yourself And you feel you’ve lived just for a second here But here you are again You pick yourself and go back I wish it’ll all pass fastly like a dream
My brother showed me a reel for their class in the school we used to attend for all our life up to high school, I pretented to be neutral, To show no emotion, Like i always do , To be such a stoic. Then when he left i broke down jnto tears , Then i listened to it alone and went more into an ocean of grief , Grief for childhood unfulfilled For a life not completed For memories i wishes i die at For places i wish i stayed at forever For people i hoped to live a million lives with With people who even died And others i don’t know anything about anymore And memories that will be burried just with..
Im breaking rn U can’t take the weight of these , but you gotta carry that weight , tillthe day you die.
Memories that will be burried with you forever , and maybe memories that might be only stuck with you and you only lived such a nostaligic deep joyful time and maybe no one of these kids remember them anymore , maybe no one of them still exists anymore , maybe life changes.. Maybe i changed but that kid in me is still the true me and still following the shadow of his younger life , unlived… Uncontinued… I was reading kafka by the shore lately and i came up across an interpretation for ghost stories im Japanese culture , and i remembered the one from oyasumi punpun , and about how the ghost are about souls grieving for older days. What if my ghosts when i was a kid are me now.. What if what we feared me and my sistes , what we used to wake up each other for if anyone wanted to go to the bathroom at midnight when we were kids , is our older selves grieving for these memories of love For these night nothing bothered us , We used to come home and turn tv and just watch cartoons We used to belong into an inner world without even knowing whats the outer And the outer was a school where we just played and screamed and made as much games as we could with our minds Whyyyyyyyy Why does life changed Why does life do this I might read a thousand book and story and know many philosophies and interpretations for why we grow we go what we do and socialize and fuck our selves in this modern era . But i can’t take it anymore Whyyyyy Why did we leave heaven.. I ….I’m still struggling in my adulthood to move on from my childhood , from my teenage years and from very single stage in my life , because i was living in worlds i didn’t want to go away from , and it passed so quickly , and we grow up in an instant , and everyones not here , and youre not here , and the places aren’t here , and i dontknow what to do anymore , and days and days pass and you dont even think about it anymore , then comes a song , a scent , a face to reminds you of it ….. god if i just can in heaven live , maybe not in a fully heavenly landscapes and rivers , but in their , in my childhood , in the ground where i sat and watched cartoons every weekend, in the playground of the school , in the games we used to make in the desks , in all the teenage dreams , and in the all thinking we thoughts we’d lived , and people we thought we’d continue with but we didn’t, but we were happy , even though we were tired to wake up at 7 am everymorning , even my teenage years , in the unfulfilled not completed destroyed college life we had , and the many friendhips that passed too , and in all the neighborhood brothers who went far away , god , i just wanna return to that usneen real world , to that forgotten nostaligic place that didnt happen and didnt continue , god if i could become a ghost too i wish i could , to those pencilcase and night stories i made in bed , to those curious silent gazes , to those warm , warm hearts , we used to have , before we grow up without knowing…
It’s the year of the rabbit, I’ve been through a really existential roller-coaster, And the only certain thing i know in this sea of years, In this sea of uncertainties, Is that I’m a rabbit. I went through that hole without getting back And some went down searching for me without getting back , And i went down wanting to know me and i didnt know where , I was learning japanese the other day and a single word irritated me , “where” . Maybe what brings me back ain’t a place that i belong to , but “where” is it , Where is them , and where is i in the first place, Here goes another theory , go on on a rabbit hole in search/pursuit of wonder , but but but what if , you go there , because you’re running from your self and all its bad acts or character ? And what if the rabbit hole , and these dimensional worlds going from a narrow hole into a wide landscape, were real , but you weren’t, What if you , yourself , is the tiny self hallucinations of these worlds… And what if you didn’t go inside that world out of reality , but rather that that world went on outside you inside of reality , and reality went on outside you inside of that world…
Was it that you went in , because the world demanded it for you to exist in a certain time in a certain space and go in , and if so why demanded , whats your worth when u can’t find yourself , and you want to discover it , jumping in the hole of it , but you’re afraid of jumping in the hole in your self. What is called the rabbit hole because the rabbit got in the hole , or that the hole gets you to the rabbit ? Did the rabbit get in the hole or was the hole the entire rabbit’s world ? The entire rabbit’s self ?
We rabbits are happy rabbits With fear , doubt , hate , shame , sadness , madness , emptiness .. We rabbits are absolutely happy , glad , thanking rabits.
I know i don’t always get a not-lonely night And i know i dont even get a day free from my mental terrors But sometimes i get a moment that will make me go like : Oh look you’re at a wholesome small infinity and it doesn’t matter what will happen the next second because you’re at a pure meaningful loving memory. When you fall asleep unintentionally and wake up to your grandmas voice just realizing and saying ” yaaburne ” , When your sisten kisses you on the back at a night ride , When your identical baby cousins switch names and each answer you with the others name and you dont know who is who, When your baby cousin tells you to come so he’ll just wanna kiss you , When you see two young women playing and building with the rocks on the sideway of a park because maybe they never got too , When you’ve been at the worst and not feeling if youre even good at anything anymore even being good but you help that human sitting on the street on a cold night , When you see a pure young boy saying to a dead religious figure on his graveyard ” goodnight sayed , ill see you tomorrow “ When a girl keeps watching you from a distance but youre even afraid to look to make her feel shy , knowing that youll never see her again , When you see your reflection on the glasses on an empty mall and just.. dance , When you reward two unknown working women after a long lonely day because you dont know what to do in life and they just thank you happily, When someone tells you not to die because he’s not prepared yet for it , When you hear that you’re a geniune huggable person , When your brother rushes to put money in sadaka because you told him you dreamed of him going to hajj , When your ex best friend waves from you from far far far away in the crowd… Maybe i should stick to these little infinities, Maybe they only matter now
We were fine once By hugging the bed By walking barefooted By running outside the sushi restaurant because we can’t eat anymore I was him but not myself And the world was calling me. There were monsters And there were doors And we weren’t driving away from them We were driving home So why did i arrive alone ? I was fine right now , a second or two But i can’t face the world anymore We are stronger But the call is stranger And the monsters are the only door And now that we are home , we can’t escape And now that everyone i loved lives alone inside of me We can’t escape And i don’t want to scream And i don’t want to shut my mind But i went again and threw mysef at the bed again But instead of hugging it… i hugged the world Our entire world.
Once i met a young child , around 3 years old he still wasn’t able to speak or get any form of comprehensible little words out of his mouth I used to say why doesn’t his parents take him and check his issue And i weren’t happy with the way his family was treating and educating him , like all they do around him was laugh and say some slangs and phrases with no meaning , and he’s just there happy all the time and smiling all the time and he just runs and shouts ATATATATATATATAWIWIWIWIWIWI. Until im no longer bothering to think in this helpless situation. I was young I didnt know the meaning of anything and I’d just go on and stress about whats the meaning of this and whats the value of life and why are we here and whats my goal here and blablabla I used to see alot of signs and numbers that are completely random and completely repetitive everyday I’d go on and search on the internet and books and ask people and on every place just to know what these signs might be . like they even get with me whenever i’m just thinking about certain issues with me , and like really whats the meaning ? What should i do ? On and on , i met many children too , i love children , but the thing is there’s many of who i love that just keep asking and asking. I mean that’s great a kid should be curious , And there’s some who just point on everything and just ask what is this and what is that and what is that and who is he and so on… And we as much as their parents just go on and tell them : this is a wall this is red that is an uncle this is a lion and so on and on , like we’re preparing them for the later stages of life and knowing everything . just labeling anything , And on and on , a child would grow up and keep labelling within labels and we’re gonna live happily as we do in this fucking full labelled full society filled with limitations and people just trying to limitate their minds and abilities in a limited place , im kidding we don’t.
We go on and learn that the entire universe is made of cellsand particles and everything does and its all 99% space and that we’re living in a fucking water ball floating in space and there’s sth called gravity keeping us on it as it’s keeping the entire cosomos , and we’ll just continue on living our lives normally , as if this isn’t all just nonsense and doesn’t make any fucking sense , but this is a wall and this is red and this is a lion and this is a cell… And you must keep asking until youre either an ignorant who doesn’t think or live in this bubbly world fully consumed or you keep on until you reach some existential questions that doesn’t have any certain meaning. The thing is i do questioned alot and reached what’s the meaning of life , and whats my goal in it and why I’m here . known what’s the meaning of success and and what u need to do Do you know what it is ? Fucking nothing . We don’t need to do anything You all as much as an extraordinary phenomenon in nature as everything else. We go on and think were on some way of success or a journey but we missed the point that this is all a play . We just have to be alive. Simple clear as crystal and obvious . We don’t have to be anything or achieve anything beyond ourselves. I don’t do anything nor I’m in any certain condition, i live and i breath , when i breath and feel a nice breeze im happy , the most of happy , and that enough to call success. I don’t have any specific hobby, i like to walk on grass and wander through stuff and i watch life as it passes by. We only get a small specks of time to understand that all of this doesn’t make any sense so you only got to be kind , to not question and to laugh. Now i just ignore the question , whenever someone asks me How are you ? What are you doing ? As if i should be doing anything as if life isn’t being here in the moment. And whenever i see daily the same signs i always do i laugh , i laugh in public and loudly , this is just hilarious and i just think that the universe is really sarcastic , and there’s only one meaning and all i can do about it is laugh. You wanna know this one meaning ? Or why life exist ? Or why are you here ? Well it goes as this : ATATATATATATATATATATATAWIWIWIWIWIWIWIWIWIWI BLLUUFFFFFVVVBBBBBB
I dreamed i was going up building floors , each floor darker than the other and when i reached the rooftop it was utter complete darkness , but i was happy like I’ve reach it all I’m united with the stars that were brighter than ever , then a series of horror events happened and it was terror really , and when they ended the entire scene just turned into a heaven like one with creatures and all . Anyway i don’t think it’s a coincidence but i truly believe that subconsciousness surpasses the barrier of our time and space and that it gives us messages to follow , i woke up to watch a video i intended to about samadhi and they talked about Babel and it meaning the tower to reaching god or the absolute and how it was a metaphor of going stages up and up with losing one self to reach the absolute unkown , with one having to take a leap into the abyss and surrender to it too. So it was the exact call back to the dream with many links of all the events that happened in it to things that were occuring in my reality , and that the path of heaven really runs through miles of clouded hell and for passing that gateless gate that no one can pass , you should become no one . I saw a story about someone who dreamed that he fell into a river and was afraid of it so he woke up completely terrified , just to go and jump into that exact same river irl and have his entire life changing and going into a great adventure and story from there from that step.
You run at sunset The sand the only obstacle The obstacle is the bird And the bird of freedom
She , and lives went away
You cry at modernity The cry from one side You watch from the outside You curse the outside
And they went from two side And you went from a side
She told a promise That no one remember You kept the remember And told no one about her She went away For a call until monday What happened in monday ? A loop to be called
And she went with a headphone A head and a typhoon
And all the sequels Those sunny holes That you all dived into And you only went out to And the night leftovers the sleep that left no one The no one you waited to The wait that you hoped for
And they went to a smile Your smile went with a mountain The mountain was reversed To a past cave to weep to
The call by the wall person The wall that didnt fall To the apocalyse The fall was home And the home is still the bricks of the wall
And so they went by Without an apocalyptic call
By 22 we’ll be alright By 50k or so Where were we in the alright Where are you tho ? Where is all the running And all the youth we told our moms for ? Dear youth can you hear me , Can you let my empire out ? I can’t tell if they stayed with you Or if i’m stuck at the past Dear youth are you stuck with me ? Are you running from the cussing ? The beach meditations The towel long thrown The green field in the eye The cities that weren’t blown ? Are you running ? Of the walks no one ask about ? Or were you running to me The no-one that no one asked for ?
Did i go away too ? you came and didn’t find me ? Then what are these signs That i went to find for ?
Not a call Not a sign Nor an answer Just if i didn’t wake up You didn’t find me where you ran And my city did find me And i didn’t find me That ran past to you Then If not monday If not the mountain Where did all dreams go to ?
” the path to heaven runs through miles of clouded hell “ I mightve told many close people about this Maybe posted , or tweeted from before But if you asked about the times i dreamed about it id say over hundred The feeling that runs through the deep core of the mind that even when you cant get up , youll get up because that one certain memory is still a possibility And even if it doesnt exist now , even of i didnt reach it yet , it might be the top reason im alive , im struggling , fighting , and finding a reason to wake up , that in a far future theres still a part of me screaming of happiness And one day itll happen And ill reach there The goosebumps that jumps over my hair tells The angel signs assure it Well run And scream Well jump while singing it The world will be drown in the after math of the war And were just sit in our tree With the light lights And the light chants And when we thought that theres no place to go too And that we had lost our homes And people And well never find it again It was there And we , which never changed , were there And we screamed like its the peak of our lives Like we were the kings of the world and we were just one , one family If you read this you’re invited from now , but be good and fight well Someday , somewhere , somehow Its time to begin , isnt it ?
Back in my normal days i used to apply whatever metaphysical thing or extraordinary senses i got in my dream as a possible super power i wouldve in real life. So i thought i could jump and fly for like high distances . I used to love red skins so i thought i had some sort of a thormal energy power inside of me And that my core was made up of multidimentional intersected buildings I sometimes dream of places and i really dont know if i saw them in real life I used to write about witches because i thought i was one. But as it turned out that thought was just an act of expression that was yet to come of things to come And im glad they did Im glad that some people came and took me and i discovered all these magics i had and im glad that i went through a drift to such magnificent alternate things
zaki monzer 