tragedy and hope , beauty and pain
The thing is
I could have went on in living desperately
I could have went and joined all those scattered people weaping all around
I could have driven my way while shivering as i used too
I could have joined these mad cry parties
And this sad true way of nagging about life
And how miserable it is
And how nothing is working out
And how its all like stuck and going nowhere fast
And that its all bullshit and nothing matters
But i didnt
Because i met you
Dear nagara ,
I came back alive with mizuho and others
I found the light nozomi once saw and i saw her too ,i found her and i really didnt think itll be anytime soon
I felt like the revelation of her still existing is far away in a far awaited future
After many space battles
And life changing moments
And car screaming rides
And splitting nations
And conquering worlds
Yet i was only washing dishes
And collecting blankets to hide at
And drinking tea for living
And still wanting to get out
I didnt scream yet
Im still questioning if it exists
Im not that hero yet and im not seeing a way for the journey to start
I didnt reach a higher consciousness not did i transcend
I didnt find a way
And you know what
She came busing in crashing in into my life
Im not where i want to be but i met her in a place while im learning so at
And im learning to follow
Whatever worlds cave inside
And waves breath inside
No one ever said where or how or when should i meet her
Im still feeling devastated to go there
But for now its fine for us to be here
And it feels good , in fact it feels flying upward water falls
We’ll go there , someday
For the first time ever i have a hope in someday
I feel like flower in forest
My eyes come together and see my nose , it look big nose
I breath with nose and notice something blocking airflow
Must be a booger
I check with my fingers and pull out joyful spirits
This aint even butterflies nor a flower
Screaming poems , screaming poems rushs and rolls deep within
I wont go back as long and talk about childhood , ill just say that by the time i started to use sm ,i didnt get the idea out of it , how people are truly using it , and how they behave and act and think , so i used to post and share whatever like whataver i want and feel too whenever i wanted i was just playing through the world within my eyes , then after i saw the community and society i was in and its ways of viewing life and viewing how they capture and describe it through this medium , my usage and interpretation for it changed too , and later on affected the way i view stuff , before i wake up .
And i think this apply for most of us throught our childhood and by starting or teen years ,we just view stuff without idiologies , without values , without opinions , without questioning yes or no , without throwing ourselves in positions or masks and without trying to place ourselves in outer shelves .
We were just a pure unknowing soul that used to swim in the truth , in the deeper self where logic doesnt exist and where she knew that the world was truly a play …
Why did the collective outer consciousness just change the way we flaw and be and dance and express or why we allowed it?…
I used to walk on a thin line between life and death and now i walk on a thin line on the edge of the abyss
And i know its filled in a wonder sense of things that i might feel while falling
And i know i left the entire world to step here
And i know that many signs are telling me to jump cause theres it
Whatever it is
And that its not if i gaze ,im gazing at it , and its gazing at my soul
And maybe ill fall and die , or get reincarnated , or resurrected , or really be alive
Maybe ill find my home down there
And i know its only a step
And i know that the cave you fear holds the treasure you seek but this is a goddamn freakish abyss just imagine whatll it even hold
And sooner or later ill take that leap
Of faith
And of awe
But im just bubbling now some thoughts while waiting as im standing here
Maybe theres nothing
But i was meant to take it
To go there
To find the world through it
And to find everything
Having a deja vu rn so ill see you there
Ill be there
All of us might be struggling nowadays, stressed out , battling fear , searching for sth, a goal, place , whatever brings one happiness, even just not being into anything at all , or going through hardships , so whoever you meet in your day , try to be good and kind with him , speak from the heart , your family , close ones , or even a stranger , cause we all need this and you don’t know what the other person might be going through , a small act of kindness and a true act of selflessness always sparks another ,it will turn back to you , and before all be nice to yourself and love it , treat and speak to yourself softly , life is a dream that is (worth) not being serious , mad at , or stressed for
-the art pic is about kyrgyzstan’s culture , it fits with beethoven 6th symphony pastoral 💜
*ps: I’m not trying to be nice or anything , you might see me as a toxic or a good person it’s your perspective in the end , see you again have a wonderful time ❤❤
I feel like , i aint bipolar
But im either at home and peace
Or im sad to the extent that my inner worlds would burst and willnt take it anymore
Alghough i know that well meet
Somewhere i know exist
Someday that is just steps away
Somehow if it means by death or reserrection or some another trip
Somtimes sth pissed me of and i can tolerate it completey whatever is the situation
But someone would jump out me to punch whoever whatever went shit
I dont want even to be happy
Im fine of where im at and i dont want recognition
But i urge to , sth is telling me , and i dont know why
That i want to stand up a bridge or a tower , open that goddamn gate , and invade the entire world with my nation of spirits , creatures , or whatever you may call it , i dont know why they cant take it
Although theyre laying there in the shadows too all over the world and helping out many things
Long live 212
Blessed live 212
Back in my normal days i used to apply whatever metaphysical thing or extraordinary senses i got in my dream as a possible super power i wouldve in real life.
So i thought i could jump and fly for like high distances .
I used to love red skins so i thought i had some sort of a thormal energy power inside of me
And that my core was made up of multidimentional intersected buildings
I sometimes dream of places and i really dont know if i saw them in real life
I used to write about witches because i thought i was one.
But as it turned out that thought was just an act of expression that was yet to come of things to come
And im glad they did
Im glad that some people came and took me and i discovered all these magics i had and im glad that i went through a drift to such magnificent alternate things
Im not where i want to be
But its better of where i was
But ive made it so far and came a long way till here
The way my life changed in a year is incredible
And the way i evolved completely daily is insane
Its like i was stuck and in dark
I made a hundred memory
I created around 20+stories and lived in them
Read many mangas that changed my life
Animes that defined me
Been closer to people i love
Fixed my father and family issues
Got a greater closer relation to god and to understanding the way things are and what is reality and the self
Tattoos
Music that defined my life
Back to my college and studying tracks
Removing all that drawns me down
And most importantly
I ran away from all what made my life miserable
I read and finished the quraan twice and i started memorizing it
Became more fit
Evolved meditational process , a better peaceful process
Redemption in my mental state
A great one piece journey
Met , been with , and left alot of people
Found lots i love
Been with my homies
Got New belongings
Got over fear
Been hell alot to further places and nature
Been reborn
For real as im moving worlds do move with me , its not a good life and i passed through tragedies , i am the storm and im attracting many great things to come , im proud of myself and if i keep moving like this…. oh boy
I aint at home , home is where im going .
“Enter the hero, enter the hero, enter the hero”
Those werent just words or mutterings
It was a way of flying
It was a secret door to a greater hallway inside the self
One time one of my brothers asked me if just wearing a red cape made me a hero , huhh , hell yeah , i could fly , and they couldnt even after i showed them how
I guess it comes to one’s own core after all , and we go on trying to reach sth , trying to be sth we’re not and go distract away from this core until we are nothing so we call it back again
Its not what we choose to wear or put or call on ourselves , its if we were ever worthy enough to claim it on or for ourselves
A sos for the self
A sos to save it all
zaki monzer 