Author: Zaki Monzer

tragedy and hope , beauty and pain

God loves joy

In times where the world was swinging between calmness and chaos ,
When you don’t know if you still have time to stand or to sit again ,
Or who to get or who to trust
Or what the strings of fate might be deciding..
I was told by prophecy to go to the pond , there lies a great warrior , the mightiest of all.. and all across my journey was all creatures and children of mud .
They were all fragile, small , tiny , silly , loud , dumb , and they were all running and jumping and preparing for the knockout stages , i mean there’s no way even they’ll find a team to get qualified.
I watched them for days yet still i didn’t figure out what was making them joyful that much..they’re going straight to there their deaths!
I came across a little redhead girl who was dumping her entire head under the waters of a river , she stayed for an hour or so , and a group of kids where watching her and counting ber time.
-“are you thinking of ways to exit this life?” I asked ,”you know one can’t drain himself all by himself if he’s trying to cut the oxygen from his head”
Her hands went up and she just gave me a sign that i don’t think had any meaning , then she pulled herself up , i thought she’s gonna pant or breath fastly but she was just talking deep cool normals breaths.. ” the river was talking to me” she responded ” it’s preparing me to the grand battle”.
-“And why does the river wants to talk to you even, or how will you even pass the qualifiers in the first place , you know there are warlords , watchers , warriors and mad men of every known or unkown species gonna be fighting to the end of times there right ? Not just dead kids brawling”
I turned my back and started walking away.
-“i was open to the possibility that it wants to talk to me , and I’m open to the possibility that I’m gonna win , one isn’t limited to one way of being great , to find himself in something far beyond and greater than himself, even something he can’t even comprehend “
-“and if so why should it have to happen?” I responded sarcastically.
-“Because God Loves Joy”
She stood on a rock, raised her hands up , smiled , and pushed herself backwards and splashed in the waters…

Ima’s first diary since returning to earth :

Post author By Zaki Monzer
Post date February 12, 2023
No Comments on Ima’s first diary since returning to earth :

To Heiwa , Jane , and every soul of my lost beloved ones hearing me right now.
I might be an emperor right now and you might all be proud , but i lost everything
And i don’t know how to move from that , from you
What’s the point of the road and the destiny if everyone is gone , and I’m only walking through stranger worlds and stranger lands with stranger people ?
If being strong is giving me an advantage then I’m really so weak
I can’t move on
I can’t change
I can’t stop shedding blood
I couldn’t stop the war
I couldn’t save zoya
I couldn’t save my sisters
As the same thing i did to my brothers
As the same thing i did to my father , now that i knew the time stone passed under my hands…
And i can’t still find my mother , not even her shadow.. they call me the girl that exists in every time yet i still can’t find my mother’s one.
Speaking of hands , zake’s one still haunts me since that day on the shore , and now there’s just zypher laying there waiting for me.
I wish i can tell him I’m home
But i lost my home here
How much sorrow can i take ?
Was i ever strong for handling all these loses and grieves ?
Will i ever find a home that doesn’t die , or at least a one that doesn’t go and leave me here ?
Not just the world moved on without me , Worlds did…
and i can’t do the same thing even though I’m standing at the top of them all.

Autumn Blue

Cat-man-mirror

I laid on bed like a corpse
Like I’m being thrown at the sea
I got up because my family can’t shut up
And its soo loud
I stood up and looked at the mirror
“Do i have to go through this again ? ” The face said
The sound got louder and louder that my image in the mirror was shaking
I opened the door and went outside
Only to see a cat standing by the door
“Who are you ?” I asked
“Am i supposed to be anyone ? “The cat responded
“Then why are you here ?”
“I heard you want to run from the mirror , but I’m only going to the sea..”
“Can i lay down there ?”
And so we ran and ran
But the cat was always faster than me
So we went highway
And the roads were all clossed
And a marathon was being held
I always wanted to run
Should i run or should i lay down ?
A girl with glasses approached me , ” do you want to participate?” She asked directly
I didn’t know what to answer , but since I’m already chasing the cat i wrote my name down
I never cared about the race , nor the people racing beside me , the fact that i always felt like that… that I’m just a blurry mirror in the flow of people
They ran , and i ran , and we did
And soon enough i was near sea side , and since I’m there with no one ahead of my sight , then i was the winner
They gave me the prize , but i just wanted to catch the cat
So then i shouted why not make a bargain
“Hey Mr cat , give me yourself and I’ll give you the prize “
The cat always cared for running so she loved the prize
And i turned into a cat-man wandering on the sea
I was always alone
Until i stumbled by a bunch of people throwing a corpse at the sea
I looked at them but the sun was hitting their faces , so all i saw was a shaking light , like the one i saw in the mirror earlier at the morning
“And who are you ?” They asked
“Am i supposed to be anyone ?” The cat-man responded…

red Summer

A meaning of it all

Once i met a young child , around 3 years old
he still wasn’t able to speak or get any form of comprehensible little words out of his mouth
I used to say why doesn’t his parents take him and check his issue
And i weren’t happy with the way his family was treating and educating him , like all they do around him was laugh and say some slangs and phrases with no meaning , and he’s just there happy all the time and smiling all the time and he just runs and shouts ATATATATATATATAWIWIWIWIWIWI.
Until im no longer bothering to think in this helpless situation.
I was young
I didnt know the meaning of anything and I’d just go on and stress about whats the meaning of this and whats the value of life and why are we here and whats my goal here and blablabla
I used to see alot of signs and numbers that are completely random and completely repetitive everyday
I’d go on and search on the internet and books and ask people and on every place just to know what these signs might be . like they even get with me whenever i’m just thinking about certain issues with me , and like really whats the meaning ? What should i do ?
On and on , i met many children too , i love children , but the thing is there’s many of who i love that just keep asking and asking.
I mean that’s great a kid should be curious ,
And there’s some who just point on everything and just ask what is this and what is that and what is that and who is he and so on…
And we as much as their parents just go on and tell them : this is a wall this is red that is an uncle this is a lion and so on and on , like we’re preparing them for the later stages of life and knowing everything .
just labeling anything ,
And on and on , a child would grow up and keep labelling within labels and we’re gonna live happily as we do in this fucking full labelled full society filled with limitations and people just trying to limitate their minds and abilities in a limited place , im kidding we don’t.

We go on and learn that the entire universe is made of cellsand particles and everything does and its all 99% space and that we’re living in a fucking water ball floating in space and there’s sth called gravity keeping us on it as it’s keeping the entire cosomos , and we’ll just continue on living our lives normally , as if this isn’t all just nonsense and doesn’t make any fucking sense , but this is a wall and this is red and this is a lion and this is a cell…
And you must keep asking until youre either an ignorant who doesn’t think or live in this bubbly world fully consumed or you keep on until you reach some existential questions that doesn’t have any certain meaning.
The thing is i do
questioned alot and reached what’s the meaning of life , and whats my goal in it and why I’m here .
known what’s the meaning of success and and what u need to do
Do you know what it is ?
Fucking nothing .
We don’t need to do anything
You all as much as an extraordinary phenomenon in nature as everything else.
We go on and think were on some way of success or a journey but we missed the point that this is all a play .
We just have to be alive.
Simple clear as crystal and obvious .
We don’t have to be anything or achieve anything beyond ourselves.
I don’t do anything nor I’m in any certain condition, i live and i breath , when i breath and feel a nice breeze im happy , the most of happy , and that enough to call success.
I don’t have any specific hobby, i like to walk on grass and wander through stuff and i watch life as it passes by.
We only get a small specks of time to understand that all of this doesn’t make any sense so you only got to be kind , to not question and to laugh.
Now i just ignore the question , whenever someone asks me
How are you ?
What are you doing ?
As if i should be doing anything as if life isn’t being here in the moment.
And whenever i see daily the same signs i always do i laugh , i laugh in public and loudly , this is just hilarious and i just think that the universe is really sarcastic , and there’s only one meaning and all i can do about it is laugh.
You wanna know this one meaning ? Or why life exist ? Or why are you here ?
Well it goes as this :
ATATATATATATATATATATATAWIWIWIWIWIWIWIWIWIWI BLLUUFFFFFVVVBBBBBB

Spring violet

Home..

Had a dream yesterday
Maybe i had it many times before but that’s all i remember
Maybe i exist there right now but I’m asleep and dreaming about this life
It was both day at night at the same time
It was in a town with qormids above the houses
And the streets were all bricks of stones that between each one and the other there’s a light coming from below
It was a mixture from many places ive seen in my life , the village, school , Italy mode in games , the shire
And I’m sure I’ve been there before , i wandered there , i belonged there
A feeling of heaven was filling my heart , although in reality all i was going through was the hot summer night and the shutted electricity
And i knew that
And i wondered inside the dream about how such a thing could bring me this feeling
I could’ve thought about it irl , i could’ve imagined it , and meditated while thinking I’m there , but it won’t ever give me the type of that feeling
That light wind inside that wasn’t bothered by the sweats and humid nature of the outside
The wind that passes once in a while to remind me that it’ll pass
That im stuck in an illusion and the real world is burried deep inside an imagination of a child
That the road to heaven lies through miles of clouded hell…

black white

A letter to my shadow

You’ve been here more than i did
And you chapped this “me” more than myself
And lately I’m not letting you in control but I’m fighting you in my head
I’m sick of you
And you’re control
And all the things you play and all this life you try to run through
I’m tired of cleaning up after you
And all the mistakes you do
I’m sick of your laugh and your tears
And all the ways you’re messing up my mind
I’m sure of who i am , where i stand , what i believe at , and what do i stick to and all the round circles you go through is just to prove me I’m wrong , and that im not really that sure .
I accept you , and i know that you’ll never go , this ain’t a fairy tail , i might get over you for a year or two and youll be back , and i know we’re gonna stay together for a lifetime and that’s fine
I’m the strong persona you personally chapped
And I’m aware enough that this is all an illusion and there’s no stands or selves
But I AM SICK
i dont wanna be this character nor any of your suggestions
Nor anything at all
The interesting thing is that i know you’re strong but you know im strong to the point i know you can’t ever break through
God removed me away with my chair backwards and told me “watch closely” “watched everyone’s shadow”
You can play
I’ll play
Because that’s what you wanna teach me
That the universe is just the funny thing we take seriously
And that it call us to come , drown yourself , take a look , a peak , it’s inviting us to understand and it’s saying look : I’ll lift my skirts this tiny ,tiny bits , do you have enough sense to look underneath? To follow it through ? To understand ?
Take control whenever you want , at day , night , in all situations, and i know that you’re the one writing this right now
But you can’t defeat me , how can you ?
because i don’t expect to win , you can only defeat someone who wants to win.

I’m already under the skirts.

green Spring

We plants are happy plants

Post author By Zaki Monzer
Post date February 7, 2023
No Comments on We plants are happy plants

The greatest story ever told is your story , but you’re not in it , you’re not the hero
You’re not the center of the universe
You are the story
You are the told
You are just the center.
You’re not the wave that comes and passes
You’re the passing
You , us , life , universe , waves , we’re the passing , and the sea stays.
We’re not the experience , we’re experiencing .
You give yourself to the water and then you find that the water holds you up
We waters are infinite waters
We plants are happy plants.

Fall white

The world dwells in me

This post is completely personal :
I’ve never been this happy , and this depressed
I feel im everyone and never this self and yet i feel all i have is this self , and god , so I’d never feel lonely
But i feel it too
I can’t sleep but im asleep
Im not messy and im not ruining anything
Im really living as a vessel for god , and i already jumped in his light and may it take me anywhere , i have hope there and complete faith
But i dont have hope to nag about here , i understand that all this mind stuff is bullshit and nonsense
Maybe i understand everything , but i dont do accordingly to them , so im not wise then
In me lies the complete despair and complete wander
In me lies the ultimate magnificent magic
In me lies the blue numbness
In me dwells the weirdest spirits ever
In me dwells chants and songs and dreams to shout when you’re child
In me dwells a lonely fall season and world
And in me exists you and many versions of it
In me dwells the terror in closests
And the wonder for a new light
In me i dont dwell but the world , the entirety of it is , and its not me recieving it , or watching it , it’s it watching moving playing and dancing with itself
And my self is desperate to catch anything , to feel anything , all along

red Spring

Love is the stranger

I always said that i wish i could take pieces of my heart and give them to everyone i love
In fact i love alot
It might not be apparent for someone like my with such sarcastic behavior
But i think my heart is just outside my body into everyone and everything I’ve been through
And its been a major problem that sometimes and many times i can’t take it
I can’t take this much love
And this much people
And memories
And hopes to live with
With each one opening a new different alternate dimension to a sun
I can’t
And i dont know what to do with it
And how to use it
And how to show it
And if the world exists within me how can i live with it ?
But i change
There’s still a room for anxiety somewhere within me
But i accept all this
I accept that I’m a genuine lighthearted person
And that i hope for a best within the moment
I might not take this love anywhere or to anyone
And it won’t be remembered
But if it’s within me
I’ll let it stay within me
I’ll use this love to evolve and to transcend
If it ain’t making me a better person and I’m not using it effectively , for at last all i have is me and it , then it has no benefit
I’ll not say i want to be a better person
Or say I’ll show love
No put it in myself let it change me , let it get the hell out of me and let it make me someone worthy of holding it
And for sure , love itself will find a way to be shown on it’s own , it can’t be heard not spoken
Its a stranger
So love you stranger

black Blue Fall

Imagine to be

Imagine
You jump from here to there
There is where you don’t know
And can’t understand
But there’s alot of information
More than here
Which ,
When you think of it ,
Is impossible ,
You can’t ignore thale fact that a 20 year old human rn can access , if he hadn’t already learn , alot of and about stories , technologies, materials , tools , people , geography , history , cenima , whereabouts and events , more than someone who lived 200 years in ancient times .
Heck more ridiculously even than a tribe or a village in the 19th or 20th century .
Wherever you are now , and its not just bond by the fact of the advanced technology and science in real world but about the insane huge number of humans rn , and it’s consequences going from complications to literally everything and the condensation and setting limitation to the daily life, time , places , rules , of well …ourselves first , the way we view it , and the way we view the world , and the world itself.
So you jump to that place , after escaping this , dont ask me how it’s up to you nyahaha , where it has more ideas views and truths , because it exist on a higher plane than here with higher senses we can’t comprehend but the other difference is ,
THERE’S NO FUCKING COMPLICATIONS.
NO LIMITATIONS.
NO THIS AND THAT.
NO ME AND YOU .
you wanna know why ?
Because it’s all out of human own senses compresed in emotions and unprocessed thoughts and mind algorthims that control them without them even knowing who they are to begin with.
You feel free ?
Just try to remove your name
It’s not about access of information
Or where we’re going
Or if we’d discover that great immersive truth about the universe
Because you know why there’s non
There’s no mysteries to discover
There’s only mysteries you jump into to undiscover who you are , which is the outer world , which isn’t the quest
Not in the scale of time space data
Not even in the scale of energy frequency reality
Go higher be
You unfathomable being