7 years , it comes , it goes
You dont know if you’re afraid of it
Or afraid that it will stop and come back in a farther future
Or afraid of it coming in many other forms and topics.
When anything could trigger you , anything , even a single dot gou see or hear can start an endless circle of pain and struggling ,
And you start , another stage , another self defensive mechanisms, another mind games , thought counts , thought strategies and circles of a clash between you and someone you dont even know who wants to tell you its completely you and you dont exist ,
While you feel that you never existed , and you keep struggling to not let one single thought of it enters, no no , one single thought of it to be thought about ,
And then once again , defensive mind mechanisms , other reiterate sayings and actions and symbols and so on so on , until you get to the next subject
And no one fucking knows
No one fucking sees
I was sitting with my best friend for an hour and was counting how many thoughts passed , he was blown away , he was blown away and i was in my best times , i never even show that .
And just knowing that my friend got also fractions of it made me at ease , we as people with pure ocd feel way more better when we know someone feels us , knows us , we feel better when we see a picture just stating what we go through , or even a video , or even someone talking online , because we’re here , left alone , that most of the time i forget my identity , i forget everything..
And even sometimes i feel way better when someone or some people at public do the things we fear to think , and they even feel proud about it and they laugh and they go on without having conscience , like like , i feel better i feel i feel im good in the middle of this unknown mess that is making me everything but not good , i feel this is happening because im good , and that even if all the time im fighting the things that go against my will to prove it , that I’m it
And i dont want to end like crona
I don’t
I want to break free
I want to be fine
I want to be out
zaki monzer 