Muttering

I’m at work sitting outside , thats a complete useless fact that neithor you or I need to know , I always considered that law of attraction could work with me in certain situations and maybe I’m not reaching stuff I want because.. I’m really doing nothing beneficial , all im doing is just a lie , im even being unfair with doing this nothing , what’s fair ? At day I see all the examples of corruption in society happening in front of me. And at night I just gaze and wait for the parking spot to be empty , to just be there with the empty street , rn there’s one car and two motorcycles left . What’s fair ? How can we be fair ? Righteous ? Wrong doing or right doing ? Do they mean anything or it’s all human created concepts ? Like time , that is all just a flow , sun up and sun down , measured scale flow over and over and over again… I saw birds flying today , running in circles , no one was leading in them , but they were just rotating together like , naturally , calmly , and I guess that’s the way humans should have been trying to reach , but we move alot , we cause noise alot , and even tho it’s noisy , it’s chaos , but in real it isn’t , it’s toooo calm , we do realize that , but we ignore it , because well , sometimes quiet is violent , we don’t like chaos surrounding the path of paths , that which we’re looking for , o path of dreams o path of thy happiness , it’s all a lie. Yes you wasting every second of the human definition for certain flows in existence called time , right now , just while reading these words admit it , you’re not fully happy because you still hasn’t come to the realization that there’s nothing called happiness , it’s just you and mirrors here , will always be that way , and you can choose to pump some chemicals into your veins or not whenever you want with whoever you want at whatever event happening or whatever going on , and wait what’s a dream ? Let me tell you honestly , I’m truly planning to sell my dream right now , for the same reason im doing the nothing at this “work” , just to try to survive to “live” in this fucked up place where we’re all just lost , misleading , and just dragged into it , just not going with the “flow” , and I’m feeling this “alive” just as the wind is hitting my skin rn , good cold breeze . I thought that my dream was to play certain compositions on the violin , only to realize after getting a violin that my dream is only to listen to these compositions , please if you consider me close , good , bad , toxic or whoever I am to you , just let that last sentence sink deep in within , there’s nothing called a dream but only what we’re calling “life” , we , we are nothing but a dream , it doesn’t matter if I play or listen or sing the composition even. It’s the same , same perception for beauty that will get you same feelings to make you fulfilled , to let you pleased , to let you think you’re either living , or living , we’re just in this bubble of thoughts and feelings here. We created , and we like to create , all these tragedies and mad stuff even, we like them , even if they’re making our or others lives miserable , even if we’re making the world a worser place , because even tho , tragedy and hope makes us feel more “alive” , and we’re being created , through every fucking nonsense in this modern era , we like that also , so what is sane ? Are we sane ? Is someone in particular ? True definition for it ? Please enlighten me , or it’s just that we’re like all other creatures but we like to think otherwise , we might be even below , we don’t flow , modernity has failed us , life was given to us millions of years , how could we tell if we lived it truly , if we did anything that defines it , life , where were we ? What’s about this dream ? What’s a dream ? Do I wanna know the answers ? Who am I , no no , who was I ? You know I’ve always considered myself to be referred to as someone calm , bacause im so calm , deeply inside im surpassing my limits everyday in being calm , and I’m so cold blooded , even if not all “times” because I’m just a lost definition too who has many called characters definition , I’m too talkative sometimes, and other times I use sign language , so if the world only consisted of humans as same as me , like me , it would be really very silent , calm , lazy kind of world , nothing will ever be done and that sake of one’s person , family, and humanity would never even exist , did it even exist ? For now, all I guess that I know is , I like my childhood picture where I had a calm kind of face (mirror) , I like having a family of mine rn , there’s two cars left infront of me , a young girl living near my workplace glazes and looks at me non-stop too much , and that the wind is good now . Are these things enough if known to be called “alive” ?